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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  The Last Woman Taken Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Last Woman Taken  (currently 1609 views)
Don
Posted: January 11th, 2011, 3:00pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Last Woman Taken by Lawrence Clarke (belfast6 - Thriller - A dark story of mystery, suspense and murder played out in the picturesque setting of the Lake District. 154 pages - pdf, format


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Trojan
Posted: January 12th, 2011, 11:43am Report to Moderator
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Lawrence, you've got a few things working against you here, I'm afraid. The first problem is that this is 154 pages. Way too long. But I open up and on your title page you say that this is not the full descriptive screenplay. So how long is that one, 200 pages?

Either way, you NEVER write on your title page that this is not the full screenplay. I don't even know what you mean by that. If you mean that it is not a shooting script, you aren't required to write that anyway. Having that written on your title page gives the impression you don't know what you are doing.

You also need to fix your logline. If you expect anybody to read 154 pages you need to give them a reason to. Who and what is your story about? Your logline couldn't be anymore vague and abstract if you tried. How would you sum up your story in one or two sentences? Who is the main character in your story and what happens that is interesting enough to warrant this being made into a movie? Most thrillers contain mystery, supsense and murder so you aren't making your script stand out with a crap logline like that.

You've got a few other problems going on here, so I'd suggest reading some professional scripts and trying to learn from that. Good luck with it.

Cheers,
Tim.
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