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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Vengefull Leads Moderators: bert
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  Author    Vengefull Leads  (currently 1029 views)
Don
Posted: October 10th, 2011, 4:57pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Vengefull Leads by Christopher L. Vaughn - Thriller - Two years after the murder of a detective's daughter, an evil entity begins murdering sex offenders. The case forces him to make the toughest decision of his life; avenge his daughter’s death or uphold the law. 81 pages - pdf, format


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Forgive
Posted: October 24th, 2011, 3:56pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Only really got to page 7 with this - your writing needs some work - I didn't see any major problems with the formatting - some full-stops in the scene heading that need to come out.

Main problem with the writing was that it was just told in a bit of a dull manner - I never really felt involved with either the story or the characters. The writing needs to be tightened - you mention the word 'summer' three time in the opening paragraph. Have you written short before? Maybe you should post a short version of this to get some feedback - hardly anyone actually reads features here, so you won't benefit from the feedback unless you post a short.

Best o' luck.
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