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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Youth Group Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: May 30th, 2013, 10:57am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Youth Group: Part 1 58 pages - pdf, format
Youth Group: Part 2 40 pages - pdf, format
Youth Group: Part 3 33 Pages - pdf, format

Youth Group by Gabriel Hernandez - Thriller, Psychological - The psychological thriller stars Nathan Mason, a teenager who is forced to enroll in a Catholic Academy in the town of Wolf Creek. Nathan is having a horrible first day, aside from getting picked on, insulted, and embarrassed in front of the whole school, he meets these four mysterious teenagers who befriend him. These friends are very close to Nathan, so close that they lead him into getting his revenge on everyone who made his life in the new school a living Hell. As the days go by, the group begin to succeed in getting the revenge Nathan deserves, and after a couple of bloody results, Nathan realizes he is pushing the limits. Being too much too handle, Nathan tries leaving the group, but there is one problem, they won't let him leave. As Nathan discovers the true colors of his new friends, he will regret ever joining the youth group. Filled with shocking and twisted turns, Youth Group will have you at the edge of your seat as the shocking conclusion leaves you breathless and scarred for life.    


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Dreamscale
Posted: May 30th, 2013, 11:40am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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Oh Gabriel, so many things wrong on display here, I really don't even know where to begin.

Why 3 parts?  Very odd.

Logline is just abysmal.

I got through about 4 passages on page 1 and said no more.  Mistakes of literally every kind on display on Page 1.  Shocking amount of unfilmables.  Extremely awkwardly worded and phrased.  So much repetition.  So many complete unnecessary things.

Hope to see you reading and providing feedback, as it will allow you to get to know some peeps and they'll hopefully jump in on your script and provide some much needed help.

Sorry to be harsh, but this is pretty poorly done, as far as I'm concerned.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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