SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is January 19th, 2022, 8:15pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)


The January Project!
If you want access to the January Project, click here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Murderland Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Murderland  (currently 720 views)
Don
Posted: December 11th, 2017, 2:54pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
15120
Posts Per Day
1.97
Murderland by Robert Cain - Thriller -  A killer theme park and it's murder spree. Who is the man behind it? 84 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
Marty
Posted: December 12th, 2017, 9:31am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
161
Posts Per Day
0.10
Robert,

I'm not sure if you are using screenwriting software or not but Fade In, WriterDuet and Celtx offer some free ones.

Your formatting seems off. And I am not sure what font that is but it seems hard on the eyes. My eyes at least.

Also, watch your parenthetical use.
Examples:
-only (O.S.) (O.C.) (V.O.) go next to the names.
-(seeing Bruce trying to stand), would be better written as a line of action in my opinion.

Sluglines should be written with the primary location first and the secondary second.
Example:
INT. MOVIE THEATER, MURDERLAND - NIGHT
-should be,
INT. MURDERLAND, MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT

84 pages is a nice size to get some reads. Just don't give people any reason to not read your script (formatting, font, etc.).

Best of luck to you with your current and future projects.

All the best,
Marty
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
Marcela
Posted: December 14th, 2017, 6:40pm Report to Moderator
New


Location
Nottingham, UK
Posts
151
Posts Per Day
0.06
Yep, use scriptwriting software. I use Celtx, it's free. Also, your action lines seem very long and as if taken out of a novel.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
Marcela
Posted: December 14th, 2017, 6:55pm Report to Moderator
New


Location
Nottingham, UK
Posts
151
Posts Per Day
0.06
Forgot to mention I liked the title - very catchy!


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Thriller Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006