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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Beyond Recognition Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: February 27th, 2019, 5:22pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Beyond Recognition by John G Tucker - Thriller - A wife's belief her husband's twin brother may still be alive 10 years after his presumed murder emboldens her to take a dangerous journey to resurrect the truth and hopefully save her dying husband. 103 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Matthew Taylor
Posted: February 28th, 2019, 7:36am Report to Moderator
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Hi John

I like the logline, it drew me in which I guess is the point of them.

So I was hopeful when I opened this up. But then - BAM - absolutely humungous blocks of text on the first page.

That is seriously off-putting. Imagine a professional script reader for a producer seeing that. They read god knows how many scripts a day, seeing that they will most likely chuck it on the PASS pile.

You need to break that up - guidance is no more than 4 lines.

Breaking it up will make reading it a helluva lot easier. If someone does decide to get past it, they will skim through that big block of text and anything important contained in the middle will probably be missed.

Read some good scripts and see how they break up the action/description, see how they convey a lot of information and emotion in as few words as possible.

Regards

Matt


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