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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  The Killer Role Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: November 4th, 2019, 3:54pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Killer Role by Alex Watson - Thriller - As an Oscar-nominated character actor transforms himself for the role the real-life serial killer known as "The Editor", the line between human and character begins to fade, threatening his sense of self and everyone around him. 117 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Andrew
Posted: November 5th, 2019, 9:00am Report to Moderator
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Writer!

Are you here?

Have dived in on first 7 pages, and will work my way and feed back if you're engaging on the site?


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Andrew
Posted: November 5th, 2019, 9:30am Report to Moderator
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What I will say for first few pages (am up through the Oscar red carpet scene) is that I think you have some striking imagery here with the very opening, and a good logline. That drew me in. Be curious if others shared that from reading the logline.

The two things that stuck out to me:

1) Is that the right font / correct formatting? Not sure why, but something seemed off on that front (could just be me).
2) I felt the questions on the red carpet were too intense for what is normally a pretty frivolous setting. Those questions feel like a good chance to get exposition across but not really suited to the reality of the setting.

Generally I like what you're doing here. It has a early draft feel, but there's plenty to keep me going on it, which is what a script should be doing. If you catch the reader in those first pages, you might just keep them to the end.


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StevenClark
Posted: November 5th, 2019, 10:55am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Andrew
What I will say for first few pages (am up through the Oscar red carpet scene) is that I think you have some striking imagery here with the very opening, and a good logline. That drew me in. Be curious if others shared that from reading the logline.

The two things that stuck out to me:

1) Is that the right font / correct formatting? Not sure why, but something seemed off on that front (could just be me).
2) I felt the questions on the red carpet were too intense for what is normally a pretty frivolous setting. Those questions feel like a good chance to get exposition across but not really suited to the reality of the setting.

Generally I like what you're doing here. It has a early draft feel, but there's plenty to keep me going on it, which is what a script should be doing. If you catch the reader in those first pages, you might just keep them to the end.


Funny, but the font looked fine on my phone, but now on my laptop it looks a little off, like not the standard. Anyway, first few pages in and I agree with Andrew -- this is off to a pretty good start.


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