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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    My Work In Progress  ›  This is Absurd - thriller? First act Moderators: bert
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  Author    This is Absurd - thriller? First act   (currently 183 views)
Steven
Posted: April 24th, 2019, 1:22pm Report to Moderator
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Two friends, small town and a motel with a weird manager. No idea whatís going on.

Wanted to write a sort of time loop thing, and this is what I came up with. Itís weird and kind of funny. There are also little hints as to the loop thrown in through dialogue. Iím thinking of where to go from here.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1sIUVudCez5p_B3HJBJmTB__5Aa0sepkX/view?usp=drivesdk
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Kevin S.
Posted: June 8th, 2019, 11:19am Report to Moderator
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This could be a fun movie.  I would change Beaten Down American Muscle to actual car of your choice. Nova, El Camino etc.. Then use it in the slugs.  

I know you have a certain direction how this movie plays out. I wanna give you what I see.
I think to help you guide yourself thru this movie I would draw four loops . Make sure they all overlap on and into each other. One main loop around the four. Thatís the perimeter  Your characters somehow got in the the loop. The lines represents roads. Where the loops meet represents intersections.  

Picture Gods point of view looking down. Why is there houses business etc inside these loops . No roads leading out. Just loops.  How do they survive? Do they wait and prey on people that accidentally stumble in the loop?  Maybe everyone inside the loop has a circle tattoo somewhere on them as an identifier .

What Iím saying these guys stumble into the Town of Loop.

Honestly your idea could be the next Under The Dome.

Iím gonna stop here because if that way donít interest you no need for me to keep going.

Good luck!









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Kevin S.  -  June 8th, 2019, 12:09pm
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Steven
Posted: June 10th, 2019, 10:52am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Kevin S.
This could be a fun movie.  I would change Beaten Down American Muscle to actual car of your choice. Nova, El Camino etc.. Then use it in the slugs.  

I know you have a certain direction how this movie plays out. I wanna give you what I see.
I think to help you guide yourself thru this movie I would draw four loops . Make sure they all overlap on and into each other. One main loop around the four. Thatís the perimeter  Your characters somehow got in the the loop. The lines represents roads. Where the loops meet represents intersections.  

Picture Gods point of view looking down. Why is there houses business etc inside these loops . No roads leading out. Just loops.  How do they survive? Do they wait and prey on people that accidentally stumble in the loop?  Maybe everyone inside the loop has a circle tattoo somewhere on them as an identifier .

What Iím saying these guys stumble into the Town of Loop.

Honestly your idea could be the next Under The Dome.

Iím gonna stop here because if that way donít interest you no need for me to keep going.

Good luck!









I get what you're saying. I was using this story as an experiment - as in not planning out anything other than being a loop. Everything that happens within the loop was coming off the stop of my head.
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Shakey
Posted: June 10th, 2019, 11:10am Report to Moderator
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So, two guys find out they're stuck in a loop.
They have no idea why.
Are other people in loops? Is their mission to escape from their loop?

That seems like a great idea.

(Updated version of Quantum Leap, anyone?)
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Steven
Posted: June 10th, 2019, 11:50am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Shakey
So, two guys find out they're stuck in a loop.
They have no idea why.
Are other people in loops? Is their mission to escape from their loop?

That seems like a great idea.

(Updated version of Quantum Leap, anyone?)


The people they interact with are aware of the loop. I even dropped hints in the dialogue of a couple characters where they speak as if they've spoken to the two guys previously. Also in the diner, there are already bullet holes in the wall and the floor is stained. If you read that scene you'll see why that makes sense.
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Kevin S.
Posted: June 10th, 2019, 1:04pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Shakey
So, two guys find out they're stuck in a loop.
They have no idea why.
Are other people in loops? Is their mission to escape from their loop?

That seems like a great idea.

(Updated version of Quantum Leap, anyone?)


I agree he has a killer concept going on! Quantum Leap lol I forgot all about that show. Reboot!
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Kevin S.
Posted: June 10th, 2019, 1:15pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Steven

I get what you're saying. I was using this story as an experiment - as in not planning out anything other than being a loop. Everything that happens within the loop was coming off the stop of my head.


Damn good writing for on the fly. I understood what you wrote. Quick question. When writers are wanting feedback. Are they meaning on everything or just like the dialogue is weak or character arc just , bad grammar etc? Is it rude to give suggestions on the actual story itself? Itís been awhile since I conversed with writers and donít want people to think Iím over stepping on how they should present their masterpiece?  I wanna make friends not enemies.
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Steven
Posted: June 10th, 2019, 2:02pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Kevin S.


Damn good writing for on the fly. I understood what you wrote. Quick question. When writers are wanting feedback. Are they meaning on everything or just like the dialogue is weak or character arc just , bad grammar etc? Is it rude to give suggestions on the actual story itself? Itís been awhile since I conversed with writers and donít want people to think Iím over stepping on how they should present their masterpiece?  I wanna make friends not enemies.


Personally, I write for fun, but some people here write with a professional motivation. So, when it comes to feedback, I like to be told an opinion on dialogue/action lines. Grammatical stuff can be picked up later on and those little mistakes hold no weight when judging creativity. Obviously any good writer should know how to use punctuation, etc, but being creative doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with extensive knowledge in grammar.
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