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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  What A Day Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: December 16th, 2005, 5:18pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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What A Day by Helio J Cordeiro - Short, Suspense - The life inside the forestall park could be healthy and dangerous depends of how do you see it. - pdf, format


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tomson
Posted: December 17th, 2005, 4:57pm Report to Moderator
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This is the second piece I've read here so far today (it's cold and rainy outside) and I have to say that it was much better than "surprise, Mother dear". You have it listed under suspence, maybe it should be moved to comedy. I did get a few chuckles out of it.

Lots of typos, spelling and grammar errors.

You're probably young so keep trying and read lots of GOOD scripts.
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Helio
Posted: December 18th, 2005, 10:54am Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Thanks Tomson to remind me about wrong genre and typos, spelling grammar errors. I'll remember this. Ah, by the way, the worst thing that I'm not so young anymore.

I'm very happy to know that my script made you to chuckle.
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Martin
Posted: December 21st, 2005, 11:44am Report to Moderator
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Helio, I honestly don't know what to say. I've enjoyed a lot of your scripts on this site but I'm not sure about this one. There are a lot of spelling and grammar errors and I know from your other scripts that your English is better than this when you take the time to proof-read. Some of them are just typos e.g. VOIVE instead of VOICE.

The whole thing feels very rushed and I struggled to make sense of it. I did chuckle a few times, mostly at how random it all is. I reread your logline but I still can't figure out what story you're trying to tell.

I enjoy the energy and enthusiasm in your writing but I'm afraid this story was lost on me.
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Helio
Posted: December 21st, 2005, 1:52pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Thanks DS for your comments.

Really, it was a type of mistake that did happen with me years ago and happened again. In a very impulsive attitude, in order to see another piece written by me in this site, I picket up this story from my old files without to check its wrongs. Iím very sorry about that and Iím feeling shamed to know you lost you time with it.

By the way, how about to read Jesusís last momentsí script? Did you?
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Martin
Posted: December 21st, 2005, 2:24pm Report to Moderator
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Helio,

I havent read your other script yet but I will as soon as I get a chance. You shouldn't be ashamed, you're a talented writer but this isn't your best work. I did like the dialogue with the guy who gets beaten by his wife. It's always fun to read your work but this one didnt work for me. I'll check out your other script soon.
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Helio
Posted: December 21st, 2005, 2:39pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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Lot thanks DS!
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datha
Posted: December 25th, 2005, 9:13pm Report to Moderator
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i read it and i liked it much then "Jesus last moment" dialogs were not bad and like
Tompson i chuckled too few times. i liked that many of diferant settings were gathered in  a sach short story.
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Helio
Posted: December 28th, 2005, 4:13pm Report to Moderator
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Better to die with vodka than with tedium!

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datha

Thank you for your words. I'm trying to get right. About the settings I don't know if to much is less or if less is to much, but if you liked that way, well I liked too!

thanks anyway

Helio
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