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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Rainy Day Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: January 15th, 2006, 10:58am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Rainy Day by Gareth Green - Short, Arthouse - An existentialist piece that deals with one mans ties with routine and order. - doc, format


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Helio
Posted: January 16th, 2006, 11:12am Report to Moderator
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Hi Gareth,
First of all, welcome on board.

I'm sorry but I'm not the right person to say something about you story because my English is not good, but I have one comment and one advise for you:

Your script has a lot of words in each paragraph and it makes me tired to read it the being to the end, but I did. It seemed to be more a novel than a screenplay.

A word of warning: directions words like "we see"- "cut to" we hear ďand other things that no camera would film, is a great problem in your script.

Please donít blame, okay. Try to read other scripts posted here from guys like George Wilson, Mike Shelton, Breanne, Martin Lancaster, Bert and many other great screenwriters on here and how they format their scripts.
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Gazz
Posted: January 16th, 2006, 11:42am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for giving it a try and for your thoughts, mate. This version was written within 2 hours so I understand that there is a lot that may be a little off in places, especially with the paragraph formatting (I am unable to submit a finished and revised draft for other reasons). Though I've read many a script which go into detail in what we hear (and often used as directly as I have). I do like setting the scene, and often with pieces I donít intend on futhering, I wont go into such detail. But as there is no dialogue and barely a character within this piece I felt that the imagery and sound is where I would sell this short to my audience.

I've been writing scripts for about five years now, and that isn't a lot in this profession. So I'm still learning and appreciate all constructive criticisms.

Thanks again, amigo!

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Gazz  -  January 16th, 2006, 8:59pm
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