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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Western Scripts  ›  Knowin' Yer Place Moderators: bert
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  Author    Knowin' Yer Place  (currently 1701 views)
Don
Posted: January 21st, 2006, 6:28pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Knowin' Yer Place by Jim Chopey - Short, Western - Knowin' Yer Place is a parody that looks at an America still in the latter part of its infancy and wonders how myopic some people might have been – how little they might’ve recognized the melting pot the country was already becoming. It's also a commentry on how certain ethnic groups somehow naturally settled on and mastered specific trades. - Entry for the January '06 One Week Writing Exercise Thing - pdf, format


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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

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Don  -  January 28th, 2006, 12:01pm
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George Willson
Posted: January 21st, 2006, 9:31pm Report to Moderator
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Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

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While the logline is a definite mouthful, it's a really good read.

I love the way you played on the conventions of the various ethnic groups and managed to make it funny while at the same time feel something for the characters within the story. While none of the characters really accomplish their dreams within the framework of the story, the story seems to accomplish its goal. It shows the narrow-mindedness of people about future change and blindness towards those unlike themselves.

It makes a point that stretches across the years from then until now. The gags were primarily funny because what they were joking about it happening now. It makes you wonder what we're thinking that will never happen now that might end up happening in our own distant future.

Well done!


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KenneyP
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 12:29am Report to Moderator
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The pioneers!! Delete the lightbulb I really didn't like the sudden surrealism of that, the rest of it is okay even if it is a bit stereotypic, but that's the whole point ;p
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Kevan
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 11:08am Report to Moderator
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I thought ‘Knowin; Yer Place’ was one of the better short screenplays I’ve read in a long time.

You have developed a good premise here particularly as it’s rooted in history and how as an audience we are aware of the implications this would eventually have for the future of American culture.. The same thing has happend in Europe too so most people can definately empathize with your ideas illustrated in this screenplay.

I considered the chacters directly related to the premise and assisted perfectly in the unfolding dialogue which did not stray from the central spine of the story. A very good example of ‘craft’ at work here. Fantastic stuff..

The dialogue was pure gold. Not only was the interchanges between the different characters spot on, but the western dialogue accents we’re hilarious so much so that I laughed out loud on a couple of occasions. Not just at the minorities but also at the backward-looking western-town folk. A real treat, mind candy to me this stuff..

Overall this was a great story, well told. Despite the amusing nature of dealing with this theme it also possessed a realism that most screenplays can only dream of.

Sure kain’t nearly speak the danged lang-eej...

My only crticism would be the mentioning of camera shots in the screenplay but hey, I’m a stickler for not putting in any of that kind of stuff in screenplays but because ‘Knowin’ Yer Place’ is that good, I won’t mention it again.

As Zeb aptly put it:

ZEB
Well alrighty then.
(glances at clock)
And I do believe you’ve got yourself a break right ‘bout now. Run along then.

Well done..
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Martin
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 12:53pm Report to Moderator
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Another entertaining script here. Despite the historical setting, the message is still resonant today. Credit for actually having something to say, something which is often lacking in short scripts. I really enjoyed the characters and their distinctive dialogue. My only quibble would be the lack of any kind of resolution. The ending didn't really pack a punch but I guess it was fitting to the piece as a whole.

Good work
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Shelton
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 2:41pm Report to Moderator
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This was great.  The whole usage of the different ethnicities and their place in society, made for a really good read, and the dialogue was excellent. I particularly enjoyed the exchange between Fong and Hamid.

Also, whoever you are, I'll say you know your beans since you used the side by side dialgoue when the two characters were speaking at the same time.

Fantastic!


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Higgonaitor
Posted: January 22nd, 2006, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
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My only problem with this script is the setting.  I assume it is meant to be set in the old west, because that is the genre.  The only thing that makes it seem western though is the fact that it is described ass a western town on a western mainstreet.  It seemed like it was set somewhere shortly before civil rights movements, which is after the western period.

I think that if you didn't have to deal with this whole western theme, your point would come across even stronger and you'd have quite the short.  You should rewrite this with a more definate asnd usable setting after the contest thing.


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Heretic
Posted: January 24th, 2006, 3:58am Report to Moderator
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This was a relaxing, enjoyable read.  I don't know what to say..

Don't include camera directions.

Other than that, I enjoyed it a lot.  I don't know if the quiet ending was a problem for me or not...I don't think so, really.


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greg
Posted: January 24th, 2006, 10:59pm Report to Moderator
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Wow, I think this wins the award for most accurate western dialogue.  If I didn't know better, I'd say the writer did his or her research in trying to capture some fine western lingo.  Wow!

A quick read, well structured, nice touch involving the different groups and sending out that message.  I don't mean for that to sound like some propaganda or anything, just stating.

A smooth piece, well done!  


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Andy Petrou
Posted: January 27th, 2006, 8:34pm Report to Moderator
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This was so funny. I loved Fong, bless him. I think you did a fantastic job with the dialogue and made this a fun and itneresting read. Great pace too.

I would have liked to have seen a happy ending for at least one of them, but hey, I liked it regardless. Loved the Irishman too, he was a classic character!

Aside form the use of camera stuff etc, you did a nice job of formatting this well.

Very well done and another one of my favourites from challenge thus far.

Andy x
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