How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests
A Day In Our Town (currently 1870 views)
Posted: October 12th, 2006, 8:17pm
So, what are you writing?
Posts Per Day
A Day In Our Town
by Jonathan Morales (shogun) - Comedy - Catch Up with a bunch of teens from Jersey as they invite you into their lives. 102 pages - pdf, format
Posted: October 15th, 2006, 12:20pm
Been Gone A While, Still Plugging Away
Posts Per Day
I've only gotten through the first five pages. It doesn't look like you even gave this one look after you finished. These pages are rife with mistakes. Page 1. I don't understand the character description of Joseph at all. Your introductions in general are strange. If a certain number of people are in a scene, they should all be decribed at the beginning, not when its their turn to talk. Also, you don't need to supply character traits in these. These don't translate to the screen. You have to show us that the ladies love Ernie. Also, we aren't going to know that he recently came out of the closet just by looking at him. I'm not really one to talk, I did this in my first short script. But the key is learning from it. Pages 2 and 3. Don't capitalize any dialogue. It seems like you do that when characters say each other's names. It's unnecessary. Page 4. Misspellings/typos. homosexually - homosexual defiantly - definitely phase - phrase Page 5. Your use of BEAT is wrong. It is not a scene action. Place it in parentheses. Something like this (yeah I know the dialogue lines are too wide): JOSEPH Yeah. That's what the word uniform means. (beat) Ray, that would have been a perfect time to slap him. Anyway, I will try to keep reading and comment on the story itself later. -Bob
Reply: 1 - 3
Posted: October 15th, 2006, 8:41pm
The above post is very good advice. I'll just add that the word "beat" has now fallen into disuse. Better to say he or she "pauses", "grows silent", "hesitates" or some some.
I don't mind a few typos, misspells, and grammer slips--but I have to quit reading when it's excessive. That just means it needs a tune-up, so the story itself won't be hurt.
Reply: 2 - 3
Posted: October 15th, 2006, 10:03pm
The Champ Is Here
Posts Per Day
Thanks guys will do...
Anything else... would be helpful... Jonathan Morales
Reply: 3 - 3
[ Board Index Comedy Scripts previous | next ]
Switch to: News Questions or Comments Site Redesign Screenwriting Class Simplyscripts Collaborative Effort Review My Logline Script Review Exchange My Work In Progress Contests - Screenwriting and Filmmaking Writing Opportunities and Call for Scripts The 2020 Writers' Tournament The 2019 Writers' Tournament The 2018 Writers' Tournament Action/Adventure Scripts Comedy Scripts Drama Scripts Dramedy Scripts Family Scripts Horror Scripts Romantic Comedy Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts Series Thriller Scripts Western Scripts Short Scripts Short Action / Adventure Scripts Short Comedy Scripts Short Drama Scripts Short Dramedy Scripts Short Horror Short Romantic Comedy Scripts Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts Short Family Scripts Short Thriller Scripts Radio and Stage Plays December 2020 One Week Challenge Halloween 2020 One Week Challenge September, 2020 One Week Challenge June, 2020 One Week Challenge May, 2020 Challenge March Challenge January 2020 - One Week Challenge October, 2019 One Week Challenge The August Challenge April, 2019 One Week Challenge January 2019 - One Week Challenge The Night Gallery 7 Week Challenge October 2018 One Week Challenge July 2018 One Week Challenge May 2018 One Week Challenge January 2018 Two Week Challenge October 2017 One Week Challenge The Quickie Challenge July 2017 OWC April 2017 OWC Scarefest Script Club January 2017 One Week Challenge October 2K16 One Week Challenge August 2016 One Week Challenge April 2016 OWC January 2016 OWC October 2015 One Week Challenge 2015 7 Week Challenge May, 2015 One Week Challenge February 2015 One Week Challenge October 2014 One Week Challenge 2014 One + 6 Week Challenge April 2014 One Week Challange January 2014 - One Week Challenge October 2013 One Week Challenge July 2013 One Week Challenge March, 2013 1+6WC End of the World One Week Challenge October 2012 One Week Challenge February 2012 OWC December, 2011 Urban Legend OWC October, 2011 One Week Challange September 2011 One Week Challenge June 2011 One Week Challenge February 2011 One Week Challenge October, 2010 One Week Challenge May 2010 One Week Challenge February, 2010 One Week Challenge October, 2009 One Week Challenge August 2009 One Week Challenge April, 2009 One Week Challenge January, 2009 Two Week Challenge October, 2008 One Week Challenge July 08 One Week Challenge February, 2008 One Week Challenge October '07 One Week Challenge Short Sci Fi - January 07 One Week Challenge July/August 2007 One Week Challenge Short Comedy - April '07 One Week Challenge Short Horror - October 06 One Week Challenge Movie, Television and DVD Reviews Script Reviews Music Reviews and Discussion General Chat Movie/Television Rumor Books Poetry Getting to know you, getting to know all about you... Things you are looking for March Madness 2018
You may not post new threads You may not post replies You may not post polls You may not post attachments
HTML is on Blah Code is on Smilies are on