You Can't Do That on a Plane by Spencer McDonald - Short, Comedy - An unkept traveller brings her wrath with her on a plane and winds up grounded for life. Based on an actual event that took place not long ago. 10 pages - pdf, format

Based on a true story or not, this is a damn funny situation. Unfortunately, it is also extremely disgusting. I don't think anyone in their right mind would produce it. You might want to cut back the absolute horrificness of it if you want to actually make it. Certain parts of it are over the top, most likely on purpose, and it works, but alor of it (namely the last scene) go way to far, and make the script come of as a huge potty joke, which in a way it is.

Now, I think there are too many characters for such a short film. I think that Jose should be done away with, one of the stewardesses, and one of the TSA agents. It's hard to keep track of them all. On the same line, you don't have to give so many last names. The people aren't important to the story, and they are always refered to by their first names so just introduce them by their first name.

That is all.

Hey Reads -- thanks for the read and review. This is merely to be humorous and maybe make somebody laugh. I have no intentions of producing this little ditty. As for all the characters -- note taken. I see your point. I did lose the pilot however. Thank you again for reading and I hope you enjoyed just for the story and laugh.

Spencer

So I gave this a read when I should be in bed (I have to wake up at 6:20 today for school), and it was a short one so it's easy on me.


Now, I first have to say is that this is my number one fear of why I don't like getting on planes. Since they're closed up and there's sometimes little space, I'm always afraid of someone passing gas, someone with some nasty disease to where one cough and we're all breathing it in, or some other pet peave. And sometimes when it's me who has to go to the bathroom to let out a few loose ones

So it was funny, and I chuckled a little (Sometime I needed after six hours of work), until the end when finally I actually let out an, "Oh man! Eeeew!" when Windy was being interviewed with the reporter.

So I'd like to say good job and thanks for making me laugh. I really have nothing bad to say about your script (I hate reviewing shorts sometimes because they're too short to give anything that you need to make the script better).

Sean

Have to admit I got a chuckle out it. I thought, though, that you were a bit reserved and you didn't take it as far as you could. There were many more possibilities with the characters you have that you could have explored but you didn't.  

For example: It would have been appropriate for AMIR to use the matches and set the blanket on fire.  She could blame him first and everyone can react and then have the truth come out.

I thought the dog on the plane didn't work. Just too unrealistic. Better to have her blame everyone else and best to have no one realise until the end that it is actually her farting.

Good job though.

pg 3
Megan depressed - no past tense
Valaue - Value?
Sup - 'Sup
pg 4
I think it is unrealistic for an airline to allow you to seat your dog next to you.  If you are going to do this you need to explain how it happened that she got special treatment.

Hi Mc, this is one more pearl you wrote, dude. I laugh about how dangerous is fly now days doesn't matter what type of terror takes place.

I have to agree with mcornetto about the dog. Maybe you should have chosen a guy, a Brazilian for example to poop or to fart inside the plane. They are the best to eat strange food with lot of pepper mixed with coconuts milk and lot of pieces of porks and beans...hug...hug...huggg. I'm sorry I have to go...hhuuugggg

Hey Spencer

What a lovely picture you painted in my mind. lol.

There were a few grammer errors in there but nothing major but I don't think there were too many characters.  It read well from start to finish.

It's a great concept done disgustingly well.  Good stuff mate.

That was a truly disgusting story...And I dig that  

* Spoilers *

* I thought you did a great job with the characters.  Each of them had their own little...Issues...That made them come alive.
* I honestly thought the dog would be dead and rotting in his pet cage.  Maybe next time.
* French Fries do indeed make some dogs fart.  I know because my grandmother feeds her dog fries all the time.
* overall a fun read and a great short!

How delightfully vile. Don't really have much to say about this one. I think what made it the most enjoyable was the fact that this actually happened. I think it may have been less so if it hadn't. Even so, the idea of someone starting a fire on a plane because of bad gas is pretty funny and to continuously blame it on the dog... just shameless.

Overall, a generally amusing and well written quick read. Not a bad way to spend five minutes of one's time.

James -- Thanks for the kind words. And I am happy to have made you smile.

Spencer

Oh man! It's recess in school and I'm sitting here in a classroom with lots of people playing Counter Strike and they can all hear me laughing my ass of while reading this story! damned damned damned funny! all you really need practice on the propper word use and formatting. like don't use "beat" and so on and so on.

very very very funny!!!

EDIT:

Quoted from Zombie Sean So it was funny, and I chuckled a little (Sometime I needed after six hours of work), until the end when finally I actually let out an, "Oh man! Eeeew!"

Oh man even that made ma laugh! my classmates reacted to it this time. "whatcha doin' daniel?"