Queen To Be by Kimberly Greaney (Presta) - Fantasy, Fairy Tale - A princess born into royalty has everything a girl could ever dream of; everything except beauty. She was born with two faces and wants nothing more than to be beautiful.  No person or animal gives her the time of day until she meets a black dove who perches itself on her windowsill every morining. The princess begins to feel confidence and inner beauty in herself.  The black dove turns out to be magical and blesses the princess with beauty on the condition that she must stay beautiful within herself. 56 pages - doc, format

Hey Presta,

I read 1/2 of this with a friend.  So I figured I'd give you a little feedback.

First, your descriptions are too elaborate.  Cut those down.  I don't need to know every dresser in the princesses room to know that it is emaculate.  Focus on what is important to the story, let the set designer do the rest.  If you want the viewer to focus on the opulance because it is an important theme, do a quick montage of the expensive items.

Also, be wary of adjectives.  I've never seen a "beautiful turkey", nor do I want to.  Ugly birds, even when cooked.

Second, be more active with your verbs.  IS and ARE should be replaced with active verbs.  Instead of "HILDA is seated at a small table..." say, HILDA sits at a small table with...

CHARACTERS:
I didn't like anyone. You need to set up Syrissa as a sympathetic main character, show her getting snubbed by more then the cat, don't just have her complain about it.  Have the gaurds and servants treat her differently.  Maybe even have the Queen treat her worse instead of giving her advice. Give King Aaron and Queen Annabelle more screen time to show that they have some personality.

Princess Nicole and Q. Victoria are properly annoying.  You have too much of both.

PLOT:
It work for a short fairy tale. In fact, I sorta like the idea.

Structure:
Wedding served as a good inciting incident to get Syrissa and others thinking about the future wedding, but after that it starts to drag.  Too many Songs and dandolion conversations. Space these out a little more and include more conflict!  And not just with Nicole.  Conflict shows us a person's character.

I got to pg. 27. It is an OK read.  I can see you put time and thought into this...

Dethan