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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Dicks Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: November 11th, 2007, 3:31pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Dicks by Marshall Todd - Action, Comedy - Two Mariachi music obsessed detectives break the law, the city, and each other in an effort to bring down a corrupt DEA Agent and his homicidal informant who just happens to be a self help guru.  115  pages - fdr, format


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mikep
Posted: January 22nd, 2008, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
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Dude...seriously...what were you smoking when you wrote this? This is a hilarious buddy cop filck, written for a "R" rating with the violence and language. Overall it's highly entertaining, good laughs from start to finish and a nicely put together plot with a few surprises. It reminded me of both Elmore Leonard and Tarantino at times. What kind of vibe were you going for?  The hip attitudes and constant foul language reminded me of QT, while the supporting cast and story reminded me of Leonard at his most tongue in cheek.

The main characters of Eddie and Max I gladly followed through the story, and liked their quirks. You have the ear for the hip slang and lingo and it sure flows in this script. Only thing there is everyone seemed to talk that way...understand it was a close circle these guys travel in, but everyone seemed just as funky ( with a few exceptions, Cleo was ice cold and Chow was nicely far out). Max and Eddie I could believe but it seemed there might have been a bit of funk overload. Max was nicely shaded, btw - I like how his issues had both emotional and comedic payoffs.

The story was solid and easy to follow despite a good number of players, but I did feel the climax was rushed, almost perfunctory. There were several larger action scenes throughout, and the ending set piece should have been either the biggest or most suspenseful. I'd suggest beefing it up even if it extends the running time to a solid two hours, we've come this far and had a good time so need to go out, not with more of a bang but , a bit more flair maybe.

****SPOILER*****

Max tells Jett that Eddie is the kind of guy who'd take bullet for him, and he sure does. The foreshadowing is fine but again, that's one of the issues with the last confrontation, it just "happens"...I wanted more.

**END OF SPOILING STUFF**

The script was a good fast read, and an entertaining one. One question - there are different schools of thought on writing stage direction & action- some say just be to the point and as dry as possible. Also I've read that a script that is fun to read will be more likely to make it...and your script is filled to the brim with attitude even in the direction/descriptions. That does make for a fun read but am not sure how "professional" it would be seen. Myself, I have no real issues with it, but would like others to comment on that.  Otherwise, it's sound and formatted well, briskly paced.


13 feature scripts, 2 short subjects. One sale, 4 options. Nothing filmed. Damn.

Currently rewriting another writer's SciFi script for an indie producer in L.A.
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