Reality Check by Jordan Breen - Short, Drama - A suicidal woman who neglects her young family is offered salvation through a higher power. However, with salvation comes a high price tag. 14 pages - pdf, format

Really, really liked this one.  Your characterization was great.  I like the way you didn't reveal what had caused Helen’s issues until later on in the script.  I also like the fact that you didn’t make Trevor the cheating jackass husband.  Having him have redeeming qualities added to the story by serving to show Helen that she was truly missing out on a great thing in her marriage by remaining in her self imposed mental prison.  I also liked the way you tied the bus accident in.  Your story got me so into the character and situation of Helen that I had forgotten the opening until she saw it on the screen.  Then I was like “holy bleep. Of course….it’s her daughter in danger”.  I know this is a short film/script, but maybe just a little more characterization of Sarah.  The child in danger scenario is enough to give it emotional value (especially to a parent such as myself), but it might help just a bit to have her be a little more real.  Overall a great job.  Hope to see more from you.

Jerry W. Hawkins
http://www.HawkProd.com

wow! thanks heaps.. you made my night.