OK, I've started reading this and think it's cute, but maybe it's just me being crazy right now. I like the idea of using a Narrator.
You have some problems, but so do I so join the club. Problems Are Us.
>EDWARD
You sure you want to come?
Shows you where my mind is.
You didn't write an EXT. shot when they walked out the door.
Strange dialogue from Edward here:
EDWARD
No, I don’t know about traffic and
I don’t want to be late. We have to
be there at 10:00 am. Why are you
thirsty?
People who want coffee usually want it for the caffeine, not because they're thirsty. If they want a Leshtot, then they probably want water or alcohol. Maybe pop if they need bubbles.
Yes, you're missing location slugs.
The agent, who's Jacobs, should only be listed as Jacobs.
When the Narrator talks, I thought it was nifty but this part:
>For some the
price is sweat, blood, tears and
intelligence. For others the price
is often something terrible.
It sounds funny to me. Was it meant to be funny? Sweat, blood and tears are already pretty darn terrible. Good one if we're going to have some fun in this.
>EDWARD
Well hun here we are. 23 floors and
we may finally have an agent. And
hopefully in a couple weeks our
movie will sell and we will finally
have it made.
Wow and I thought I was a screen-tard!
Hey, Edward? Care for some Vodka?
>Emily
We deserve a break. And I so want
to own my own house.
Go to Mcdonalds for the break today. For the house, ah let's see: try googling
Bankruptcy houses or houses labeled as psychologically impacted.
>TOM CRUISE
I can only hope the next script is
a hell of Alot better then this
one. This writer should know better
these kind of movies suck. I am
going to have to find a new agent
if they keep sending me this
garbage.
Yeah-yeah I know, but I can't help myself. Can I buy you a donut hole or something to make up for it?
I'll send you some more feedback later.
Sandra