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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Cahill's Justice Moderators: bert
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  Author    Cahill's Justice  (currently 1314 views)
Posted: April 10th, 2010, 5:23pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Cahill's Justice by Dan Powers - Action, Adventure - A federal Marshal Ethan Cahill seeks out those who murdered his brother and the man who is responsible is an Arizona Governer who is running for president.  122 pages - pdf, format

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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  March 11th, 2011, 7:41pm
Revised Script
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Posted: March 20th, 2011, 1:28pm Report to Moderator

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Hi Dan,
I actually enjoyed your script quite  a bit. It reminded of an old school cop movie movie from the 80's or 90's. I consider that  a good thing I  personally prefer those to most newer films. I liked Ethan Cahill as a tough, wise-cracking U.S. Marshal and the rest of the characters were sufficient for this type of story.There was also some good dialouge, but much of seemed to come across as awkward and heavy handed. I also thought that in  many instances you seemed to use too many words to describe things. There were many scenes where through your descriptions alone you convayed how certain characters were feeling. but, then you threw in unneeded lines for example after creating
a tone through your descriptions you'd go on to say something like " Ethan feels sad." when you've already established that through your writing.  Another comment I have is that I don't think you have to say so and so in dead every time somebody gets killed, because in most cases it's obvious that they are dead. I enjoyed the action scenes they were well done.

Good luck with this and I hope you find the comments helpful!
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