SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is January 21st, 2021, 2:36pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion forum, please send me a message. There is no online registration. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Produced Script Database (Updated!)
Items of Note:

Yes, I am running script reviews, again...
find a good Script and write a review!

Scripts Studios Are Posting For 2021 Award Consideration

I'm not ignoring you. Check your spam folder.

The January Project!
If you want access to the January Project, click here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Smash N Grab Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Smash N Grab  (currently 1414 views)
Posted: August 10th, 2010, 6:36pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Smash N Grab by Curtis James Coffey - Comedy, Caper - In the vein of Guy Ritchie, a group of Irish small-timers in the States find themselves in a heap of trouble with British mobsters when a gambling debt is created. Action, twists, a plenty of laughs highlight this caper-tribute. 92 pages - pdf, format

Visit for what is new on the site.

SimplyScripts Masks can be purchased at:
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  September 9th, 2011, 2:20pm
revised script
Site Private Message
Posted: August 11th, 2010, 1:21pm Report to Moderator

Tucson, AZ
Posts Per Day
You say 'in the vein of'  but it pretty much sounds like the same movie.  What with goofy small timers trying to pay off a gambling debt with plenty of twists.  Need to up the originality factor.

Pretty overworded right off the bat.  "The van pulls off the main road, and parks along the side of the street, right next to a popular American bank."
Why not just "the van pulls off the main road and parks along a popular american bank"

Kinda seems like the american cop also speaks in irish rhythms.  seems kinda off.

The beginning bit is pretty grabby though.  Gets you interested.

p22  laughing and jarring  should be jeering.
Seamus looks around for his friends, all of which are distracted...  sb whom

The gambling loss seems a little forced.  Seamus just comes across as an idiot betting that high on twenty with money he doesnt have against a gangster.  and not a lovable idiot like before, just an idiot idiot.

Seems wierd that the announcer says welcome to the 'dog tracks'  wouldnt they use the real name?  like the jefferson tracks or whatever you decide theyre called.

Why does richard give the loanshark money?  shouldnt it be the other way around?

Hmm kinda weak ending.

The idea of playing benny against richard is good, but just too abrupt and unbelievable.  richard decides to believe seamus after all his bullshit?  really?  
And seline putting herself on the line for a random dude that she just fucked once?  

Need to develop the story a bit so its believable.  Seamus and Seline need more of a relationship seline needs more of a character.  There needs to be more tension between benny and richard leading up to the end.  also maybe more to suggest that the money was at bennys than seamus' less than believable word.

On the good side it read real quick, and the dialogue and characters were pretty excellent.  just need to shore up the plot a bit.

good luck with it.

            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006