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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  Untitled Moderators: bert
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Faaniduniya and 2 Guests

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  Author    Untitled  (currently 919 views)
Posted: August 14th, 2010, 6:18pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Untitled by Jack (fridayjack1) - Drama - A girl with a mental past gets involved with a drug dealer. 97 pages - pdf, format

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Posted: September 9th, 2010, 2:23pm Report to Moderator

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Why would you not give this a title? Surely after writing 97 pages of it you can think of a title.

I read the first few pages, but here is a sequence from your opening paragraphs....

Look, I canít deal with all this.
Just find my damn daughter.
Were (it's not were, it's we're) doing everything we can maím
Well try harder. It shouldnít be
hard that to find her. (sorry, this doesn't make sense)
Do you know anywhere she could be
Clarissa takes a deep breath. Sheís annoyed. (I think we know she's annoyed already)
For Christs sake (it would either be Christ's or Chris'sake), Iíve already told
you this. And she wasnít in any of
those places.
Were doing our best (he pretty much said this before - make him sound wooden)

The fact you haven't given this a title and there's errors all over your first few paragraphs just stops me reading. It may sound pedantic and this might be the best story since The Godfather, but people (amateur reviewers like me and definitely professional readers) are put off by this kind of thing.

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