FADE IN ON
INT. EDIT SUITE. DAY
Whilst we start with an interior, the first footage we see is external (previously filmed). A travel presenter walks thru’ an exotic market in a foreign country. He speaks to camera(any dialogue)- suddenly the film rewinds at speed- repeats- moving slower- one frame at a time- without sound.
PULL BACK to reveal MARK- at an Avid editor- staring hard at the screen. He moves the footage on a frame- uses a magnifying-glass to peer closer- rolling the frame back and forth. He calls a friend- DES- over.
Des!. Take a look, will you?
Phew. Where to start:
Formatting: No need to under line slugs or peoples names.
Whilst we start with an interior, the first footage we see is external (previously filmed). ? ? ? You need to show us that. The first scene should be EXT. PLACE -TIME
This scene needs alot of tidying up. You don't cap your characters or give them a description.
Your descriptions are very very wordy.