SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is October 21st, 2021, 5:53pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Produced Script Database (Updated!)
The scripts of the Halloween 2021 One Week Challenge

The January Project!
If you want access to the January Project, click here

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Paranormal Rise Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
Googlebot and 4 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Paranormal Rise  (currently 1478 views)
Posted: January 8th, 2011, 7:12pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Paranormal Rise by Prateek Sachdeva - Short, Horror - On a dark and rainy night, three people get locked inside an old house. This story chronicles the terrifying events they witness. 7 pages - pdf, format

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Site Private Message
Posted: January 8th, 2011, 11:14pm Report to Moderator
Guest User

I thought this was a decent story, Prateek.  Nothing great, though the ending was a good one.

You need to learn a little more on how to format and how to write a script.  This was very very wordy.  I can easily see two pages being cut of the length.

Quoted Text
We hear a sound of a car crash.

First line.  First mistake.  We are not there.  We do not hear or see anything.  Don't use that word in a script.  Describe things as they can be recorded by the camera, or shown on the screen.  In this case, describe a the sound of tires screeching, followed by a loud THUD.

Be careful with long blocks of texts:

Quoted Text
Chris is searching the kitchen. As he walks by footsteps are
heard behind him. He looks back but is unable to see anyone.
As he looks in front he comes face to face with a hideous
monster. After shaking in fear for a few moments he realizes
it was just a mask pinned on the wall. Slowly, the fridge
door opens. Crockery falls. A knife zooms out of the air and
narrowly misses Chris. Chris runs out of the kitchen

Try to limit it two three lines at a time.  If you need to describe a lot, split it up into several paragraphs.  Each one could describe a visual or an idea:

Quoted Text
Chris searches the kitchen. As he walks, footsteps are
heard behind him. He looks back but is unable to see anyone.

As he looks in front he comes face to face with a hideous
monster. After a moment he realizes it's just a mask pinned on
the wall.

Slowly, the fridge door opens. Crockery falls. A knife zooms out
of the air and narrowly misses him. He runs out of the kitchen

Two problems I had with the story are:


After the three run over their victim, they can't start the car.  Once they throw the victim in the trunk, it starts right up.  Why?

After the three bring the victim to the house, and discover no one is home, why do they break into the house to leave the body inside?  Why not just throw it in the bushes?

I strongly recommend that you read some scripts here to learn formatting.

Hope this helps.

e-mail Reply: 1 - 4
Electric Dreamer
Posted: January 9th, 2011, 11:22am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

Los Angeles
Posts Per Day

This script was a curious read for me.
The jump the shark pacing kept me reading through the format errors.
Phil mentioned several key errors, but there's more...
You never intro your characters, that's a kinda biggie there.
And your slugs are suffocating, give them breathing room "INT. BATHROOM - DAY"
The good news is most of your problems are format, which you can learn.

Good luck and keep writing and rewriting!



CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
Posted: January 19th, 2011, 10:39pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Hi Prateek,

Not sure if you're around to read this, so I'll keep this brief.

You've got an okay story here, but the script just didn't work for me. The characters were extremely underdeveloped. I felt like nothing was at stake because we knew so little about the three. And as Phil pointed out, there were a few plot holes that just tanked the whole thing.

And if we are to assume this is a common occurrence at this house, why isn't it full of dead bodies by now? And what happens to their cars? These things linger in the back of your mind, and not in a good way.

Keep writing.


Private Message Reply: 3 - 4
Pale Yellow
Posted: October 23rd, 2011, 11:38am Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Posts Per Day
The story was good...I liked the ending. With your descriptions you need to describe it like you were watching it at the movies to show the action.

On page 2 I think you meant either Jack or Jane where you had "Jake knocks on the door"

On page 5 "Blood flowing through her mouth" sounded weird to me because I was trying to picture that ...just awkward way to say it even though I knew what you meant...

Anyway, good story ...keep writing.....
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006