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I read this over, I don't see you contribute reading much on the site, so I'll be brief. You have a lot of white on the page, which is good, a hurdle for most amateurs. Your spacing is off on your slugs and your action description is a bit dry. You have "hobbit" and "half blood prince" for dialogue on the same page. Peter Jackson and J.K. Rowling's attorneys may want to have a word with you. Though Bilbo Baggins and the Half Blood Prince has a nice ring to it. So is the red butterfly supposed to be a metaphor for your character, Redden? I'll go into more detail if you're a regular reader on the site.
Thanks for posting and keep writing and rewriting.
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They quickly advanced from strangers to true love, I couldn't buy into that.
Describe a lot of your characters as part this and part that. I never had a clear picture in my head. Half mermaid? I'm guessing the lower half, because a mermaid could technically be half human, half fish, the upper half being human. So a fairy with a fish tail? I don't know, perhaps I'm not up on my fantasy, but that was a hard description for me to catch.
The story itself didn't feel special. Redden accepts death because the dark prince made her feel love, even though it was a lie?
This was not my cup of tea, I guess.
But you did have a lot of white, and it read fast.
Given your script is only 5 pages long I don't think you could afford to bleed out their faitful bond to be honest. I mean, how many more pages are you willing to burn to get to that stage?
As for your formating, it's a bit off. But it's also not a lost cause... You have a basic idea of how to write a screenplay, you just need to do a bit more research and read a few more scripts floating around here.
Phil's work is phenomenal Jeff's work "spacing aside" is Ace Bert's work is gold
There are others, but to list them would be me doing your foot work for you. Find them and study them. I will tell you that your POV junk and your lack of transition into scene after a trans out is horribly wrong... Your narative shit needs to stop too.
"The best thing ever
Leave that garbage at the door.
INT. RIVER-MOMENTS LATER is wrong... All wrong. Leave moments later at the door if it's within the same scene. Better yet, just stick to night or day.
Hope this helps, but in the event that it doesn't I'm not going to lose much sleep.