The Cruelest Lie of All by Sean Killian - Short, Horror - A lonely male vampire searches in vain for the perfect woman to spend eternity with, only to find he can’t have eternal love without paying the ultimate price; staying immortal forever.  18 pages - pdf, format

holy edward cullen balls. what is up with all these "nobodies" posting poorly formatted scripts on the boards as of late? no offense to you sean, but SS has been flooded lately with nonmembers who expect us regulars to read and critique their work. but here's the thing, if i review your script Sean, will you review mine? probably not. in fact i know for a fact that you wont because you're not a registered member. see my frustration? do me a favor and enlist NOW. you dont even have to read my work. i just want to know that you're listening.

when you do, i'll give you a much more thorough review. for now, this will have to do.

in a word, "no." just no. this entire screenplay is wrong. you need to read some scripts on the boards before posting. your formatting is entirely off. from the alignment to the header at the top of each page, it all needs work. speaking of which, why in the hell is there a header on each page?

dialogue is WAY too long and overdrawn.

a vampire brushing his teeth? come on.

"we see his fangs and realize he is a vampire." we get it. he's a vampire. no need to tell us anymore.

name all of your characters. "Man" and "Redhead" does not suffice.

eww. wet dream? you completely destroyed your tone by this point.

DONT WRITE IN ALL CAPS. IT'S INCREDIBLY ANNOYING.

you only need to capitalize your character's names once. oh wait, none of your characters have names.

these pick up lines actually work? they are not original in the least bit. i'd rather "the man" ask, "were your pants on the price is right?" then this trite garbage.

^because they need to come on down.

we've literally repeated THE SAME GODDAMN SCENARIO three times by page...wait a second. your pages arent numbered! awesome.

I hurt so bad? I'm beginning to suspect that "Sean Killian" is actually Tommy Wiseau. You're tearing me apart Leeesa!

totally saw the ending coming from a mile away.

i dont know why i finished this, but i felt compelled to. i was hoping for an original storyline but of course its about vampires and it fell into the same old heap of cliched shit that everyone else is writing right now.

either scrap it or make it more unique. how? i have no idea. the vampire genre is pretty much dead to me.

whatever you do, learn from your mistakes. scrap this and write something else. anything really. just something more interesting and properly formatted.