SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is October 23rd, 2020, 8:54am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
The October 2020 One Week Challenge has begun.
Scripts due to: SimplyScripts.Com in:

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  The Angel Of Whippet County Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Angel Of Whippet County  (currently 2522 views)
Don
Posted: February 3rd, 2012, 1:08am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
14207
Posts Per Day
1.97
The Angel Of Whippet County by Gregorio Davila - Comedy - (Whippet, Georgia - Depression era) Langston James was born an ugly baby, and grew into an ugly man; monkey-faced, walleye, and a nearly crippled left side. He married a wife only slightly less hideous as he, and had a son that was clearly their natural who kept the family tradition alive. But when their second child, Gabriel, emerges as the most beautiful child in the county, this challenges Langston James' lifelong prejudice against all things bright and beautiful. Distraught and with only his negro friend Bodine to talk to, the two embark on a road trip to Savannah in an attempt to clear his head. 148 pages - rtf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

SimplyScripts Masks can be purchased at: facebook.com/UCanBeSafe/
-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
nybabz
Posted: February 28th, 2012, 7:27pm Report to Moderator
New-ish



Posts
70
Posts Per Day
0.02
I was going to read this until I read the page count. Babz
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 14
Forgive
Posted: May 13th, 2012, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1383
Posts Per Day
0.36
***Great script.  Awesome really, especially in comparison with most of the unproduced stuff here.*** (Since been deleted).

Interestingly negative comment. I assume there is no connection with the writer?

As for the script - it does appear to be very cleanly written - there are some issues fairly early on -

## Angus smoking his pipe, whilst it's stated that it's a 'rainy night'.

## We TRAACK behind Angus
-- should be TRACK, if needed at all.

## Jocasta's first line of dialogue is formatted as an action line, not a dialogue line.

The tone of the script - which I liked - didn't appear to be directed toward a comedy - it felt a little dark, and meaningful, but I wasn't too sure it would sit with something that would eventually develop comedic tones. The putting back of the caul appears to be the first hint of any comedic intent, but maybe hinted toward more of a dark humor.

## 'We see' is used often - up to the writer really, but many people try to exclude it.

Didn't read too far in - but I think it's good - dialogue well written - couple of place where I think the conversations could have been cut a little earlier - and wrylies are used liberally - again a matter of opinion - but the writing is crisp and clean.

But I'd also have to agree on the page count ...

Be interesting to see if the author pops up.

Simon
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 14
stats1979
Posted: May 14th, 2012, 9:43pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
5
Posts Per Day
0.00
Why were my comments deleted?  

Who are you, and why do you have the power to delete my comments?  

Thoughts about your critique.

"Angus smoking his pipe, whilst it's stated that it's a 'rainy night."  Doesn't rain on the porch.

He misspelled "traak".  Whoppdee do.  Ever read a Cohn brother script?  Plenty of misspells and misprints.  Still great scripts.

"Jocasta's first line of dialogue is formatted as an action line????"  Who really cares?

"Didn't read too far in."  So you really don't know that much about the script or its quality and yet you felt compelled to delete my comments about the script.  Who are you and why are you so lame?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 14
bert
Posted: May 14th, 2012, 9:48pm Report to Moderator
Board Moderator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4139
Posts Per Day
0.73

Quoted from stats1979
Why were my comments deleted?


Check this link:

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-cc/m-1199036940/

Violations of rules #1 and #3.

Welcome to the boards, stats.  Mostly, anyway.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 14
stats1979
Posted: May 14th, 2012, 9:58pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
5
Posts Per Day
0.00
So you are not allowed to let the author know that you liked his script unless you can tell him why?  There is magic in a good script. You expect me to parse the magic?  You've got plenty of scripts here that are lean, follow script writing rules to the t, but don't come alive, are boring and just plain suck.  Suck is too strong a word.  Most scripts just have no life to them.  This script does.  Can the beauty of the script be found in the lean descriptions or tight dialogue.  Perhaps, but this is standard operating procedure.  It is the most basic requirement for a script.  What sells a script, what brings a script to life is often hard to explain.  No, it is damn near impossible.  

In short, I think it a crying shame that we can't just respond to a script as a humble reader and movie lover, rather than a critic or an analyst.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 14
Forgive
Posted: May 14th, 2012, 10:06pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1383
Posts Per Day
0.36

Quoted from stats1979
Ever read a Cohn brother script?  Plenty of misspells and misprints.  Still great scripts.


Nope. Never even hear of them. Are they any good? Can't really see them getting anywhere with all the misspells and misprints.

However, for future reference, you might like to check out two really great scriptwriters without misspells and misprints: Joel Coen and Ethan Coen. Two of the best in the industry - I'm sure they'd teach the Cohn brothers a thing or two.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 14
stats1979
Posted: May 14th, 2012, 10:09pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
5
Posts Per Day
0.00
"Interestingly negative comment. I assume there is no connection with the writer?"

No connection with the writer.  This is a great script.  Why?  Because it works.  Because you continue to turn the page.  Because you can revel and marvel in this fanciful world that the author has created.  Because you develop trust in the authors understanding of his craft and are willing to follow him on his journey.  

I'm not a critic, and I'm not particularly interested in spending a lot of time trying to parse the magic of this script.  The script is quite good and works.  You can read a lot of scripts out there.  About 1 in a 100 actually works.  This one does.  That to me is magic.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 14
stats1979
Posted: May 14th, 2012, 10:12pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
5
Posts Per Day
0.00
"However, for future reference, you might like to check out two really great scriptwriters without misspells and misprints: Joel Coen and Ethan Coen. Two of the best in the industry - I'm sure they'd teach the Cohn brothers a thing or two."

I guessing that you've never actually read one of their scripts.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 14
Forgive
Posted: May 14th, 2012, 10:13pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1383
Posts Per Day
0.36

Quoted from stats1979
  This is a great script.  ... The script is quite good and works.  


I liked the script. Did you miss that bit? You, however, don't seem to have made your mind up.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 14
Forgive
Posted: May 14th, 2012, 10:14pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Let The Sky Fall

Location
Various, exotic.
Posts
1383
Posts Per Day
0.36

Quoted from stats1979


I guessing that you've never actually read one of their scripts.


Why guess? Why not just ask?

The answer is yes. Burn After Reading is one of my major reference points.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 14
bert
Posted: May 14th, 2012, 10:23pm Report to Moderator
Board Moderator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4139
Posts Per Day
0.73

Quoted from stats1979
So you are not allowed to let the author know that you liked his script unless you can tell him why?


Oh, for Pete's sake.  I am not going to get into a big fuss with you right now.

You are perfectly free to gush about a script -- but let the author know what works.  A sentence or two is all.

Otherwise the praise reads very hollow -- and frankly, it sounds fabricated when you do that.

Please note that I said "sounds" -- I am not accusing anyone of anything here.

And we also ask that you do this without saying every other script on the board sucks and pales by comparison.  That is out of respect to the many other authors here, many of which are quite talented.

You dig the script.  That's great.  I do not want to argue about that.  Just elaborating on a bit of house etiquette.  Again, welcome to the boards.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 14
stats1979
Posted: May 16th, 2012, 12:50pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
5
Posts Per Day
0.00

Quoted from Forgive


I liked the script. Did you miss that bit? You, however, don't seem to have made your mind up.



"Liked"?  You haven't  read the entire script?  I always like to watch the first 10 minutes of a movie and then tell friends and family how much I liked it.  Oh, and I always try to offer constructive criticism to the filmmakers based upon my experience of the first 10 minutes.  And I'm very sure the filmmakers appreciate my advice.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 14
gregoriodavila
Posted: June 12th, 2012, 2:35am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
I haven't been on here for a months so I would like to take the time to thank you all for your comments as they are appreciated very much! I never took any action to delete anyone's comments. I would also like to thank some of you for making this about you and not the work. PS. please read my other script on here Two Spirit. Mahalo!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 14
gregoriodavila
Posted: June 12th, 2012, 2:42am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
BTW stats1979, thank you for pointing out that it doesn't rain on a porch so I didn't have to
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 14
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006