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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Indispensable Company Moderators: bert
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  Author    Indispensable Company  (currently 714 views)
Don
Posted: May 23rd, 2012, 6:56pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Indispensable Company by T. L. Austin - Short, Drama - When grief is too much, the only thing left is madness. 12 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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Nomad
Posted: May 23rd, 2012, 7:11pm Report to Moderator
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I tried.  I really did, but I could only make it to page 3.

Where to begin...

No FADE IN.
All of your description lines should not be all CAPS.
Camera angles should only be in a shooting script.
There's no need for how long each shot will last.
The dialogue is unnatural.

Please read some more scripts on here, get some screenwriting software, (Final Draft, Celtx, Movie Magic), and read a couple books on screenwriting.

You took the first step by writing a script.  If you want people to READ your script, you need to take some more steps.


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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Mehdoh
Posted: May 23rd, 2012, 8:40pm Report to Moderator
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This literally hurt my eyes. I was barely able to read a few lines because of all the caps. If you just get rid of the caps, I would be much more inclined to give this a more serious read and a more serious review.
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danbotha
Posted: May 23rd, 2012, 11:20pm Report to Moderator
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I'm in agreement with everyone else, sorry to say. Fix up those CAPS and I'll have another look.

Daniel


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irish eyes
Posted: May 24th, 2012, 7:13am Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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Sorry, but I have to agree with the other guys..
No fade in... Everything in CAPS (which is ok for TV scripts)
A lot of spelling and grammar mistakes.... Clean this up and Ill give it a proper, it was just very hard to read.
Also get rid of all the numbers and camera angles.

Mark


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rolo
Posted: September 17th, 2012, 8:35am Report to Moderator
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Was going to give it a read seeing how it's 'Script of the Day.' Unfortunately, its been removed by request of the author. Oh, well!
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Steex
Posted: September 18th, 2012, 4:40am Report to Moderator
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I drink your milkshake.

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After reading the comments, I couldn't wait to crack this open, but of course, it's gone...


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