I see that this one hasn't gotten a proper read, and I think I've seen allpoint around here before, so thought I might as well try (not sure if I have enought time to finish).
Right off the bat, the first slug isn't formatted correctly. The first sentence runs on for quite awhile, and the word "fizzles" is spelled incorrectly. I see re-writes.
There also appears to be no punctuation in the dialogue.
You also seem to fade out every two or three pages. This doesn't connect the scenes very well at all; the structure needs some work. Right now it seems like a collage of events.
Overall, it's gonna need some work, but hey, at least you made the effort.