Captain Hades Another World by Peter Martin (allpoint) - Short, Action, Adventure - An Action, adventure story set around the crew of a ship for hire. This is the first in a series set around eight mining planets. I have started making this movie using an animation program called Iclone. 31 pages - pdf, format

I see that this one hasn't gotten a proper read, and I think I've seen allpoint around here before, so thought I might as well try (not sure if I have enought time to finish).

Right off the bat, the first slug isn't formatted correctly.  The first sentence runs on for quite awhile, and the word "fizzles" is spelled incorrectly.  I see re-writes.

There also appears to be no punctuation in the dialogue.

You also seem to fade out every two or three pages.  This doesn't connect the scenes very well at all; the structure needs some work.  Right now it seems like a collage of events.

Overall, it's gonna need some work, but hey, at least you made the effort.