As We Know It by Christopher Francis - Action, Adventure - A writer deals with a messy break up with the help of his best friend while at the same time trying to finish his latest book before the impending nuclear apocalypse. 94 pages - pdf, format

Sorry, this drags. I'm finding it difficult to tell much difference between James and Bruce.

The toaster pops up and James grabs a plate and a knife from
the side of the sink, cutlery clinking as he grabs them. He
removes the pieces of toast from the toaster and drops them
onto his plate. He opens the fridge, pulls out a tub of
margarine and starts to make spread it onto his toast.
-- This really doesn't belong in a script - it's minutiae and should be in a soap opera.

I think it needs a stronger set-up.

Yeah, I'm having a pretty difficult time getting past the first 10. It's probably just personal preference, but I'm not real keen on "end of the world" scenarios, either. What's really messing with me is that you're playing this like "Shaun of the Dead" and those guys are already making their own end-of-the-world movie right now.

Even though you're establishing an ordinary world undergoing extraordinary change, it's presented as still being excruciatingly ordinary. James and Bruce don't seem very sympathetic. I agree with SiColl, they're too similar. I don't care that James just got dumped and lost his book deal. He seems like a prick. He probably lost it because he's drunk all the time and has the emotional depth of a dry lakebed.

Another enormous problem is how you handle exposition. In college, my professor always harped on the idea of showing, not telling. The events that should make us sympathize with your protagonist just aren't there and we just get his guarded, egotistical, testosterone-flooded account of those events when he tells Bruce. Had you shown these events, we could've seen how he really reacted in those moments and received a more honest, endearing glimpse of our hero. It breaks from your concept of staying inside the apartment, but I don't think that would hurt you.

I thoroughly read the first 10, but after that...I was done. I scrolled down to a scene much later in the story to see if anything interesting was going on. (You never want to miss out on the pay-off.) But it still seems to take place in the same, ordinary world with the same, hackneyed characters. If you want me to read more, Chris, then I'd like you to at least give a brief rundown/outline of what happens following the first ten. You don't have to give away the whole story, but just explain the main conflict and the antagonist or antagonistic forces.

With some work, you could make even me like it.