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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
Dreams and Reality by Jacob Greenberg - Comedy - A dream of a modest maid, where she robs a bank, invades reality and changes her life. 65 pages - pdf, format
Wow 62 pages does seem a lot for a short ??? Maybe it should be a feature.
Logline didn't read good for me as it sounds to segmented. "where she robs a bank" ????
Just a suggestion:- "The reality of a boring life catches up with a modest maid, who takes life to a whole new level".
A few things I noticed :-
"Lisa is waiting at a bus stop at night" ??? Lisa waits at .......
Also there are a lot of action lines beginning with "She ........" sound more like instructions than an action line.
"The apartment is small, with poor furniture, and with piles of books and things scattered around" ??? reads awkward try:- This small poorly decorated apartment, lacks organisation with piles of books and possessions scattered about.
Don't have the time to read more though I hope the comments I posted gives you an idea of what you need to be achieving. Tighten up the writing and choose every word wisely.