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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Screwed Up Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: December 12th, 2012, 7:14pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Screwed Up by Joseph Khaleghian - Comedy - A man's altered state of mind, a basketball game, a wedding, an abduction by a transvestite gang, and the chaos that follows.  124 pages - rtf, format


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crookedowl
Posted: December 12th, 2012, 7:41pm Report to Moderator
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Joseph,

Okay, so your logline looked intriguing. Not that it's a particularly great one-- you don't tell us anything about a protagonist or much of a plot other than "chaos".

Then I saw that it's in rtf format... And most people here won't even open your script if it's not .pdf.

Your formatting is way off. You've got the right idea here-- fade in, scene heading, action-- but the font needs to be Courier (or any variation, as long as it has "Courier" in the name.)

I suggest downloading Celtx, free software to format your script. Microsoft Word can be a nightmare, and Celtx makes pdfs.

All right, as for the actual script, I think it would be nice to get some kind of idea about what the window cleaning place looks like. All the establishing shot describes is a sign. So something like "a large building" or "a small crappy building" would be nice.

You've got the right idea about introducing characters (all caps) but you tell us a lot of redundant details about their appearance. Just write: DICK (25) and leave out height, hair, etc. out unless it's important to the plot.

Another thing, it's best not to introduce more than one character in each paragraph, because the way it is now, three characters are clumped into one paragraph. This makes it easy to confuse characters.

I'm a little concerned about the length of this. 120 pages is a bit long, but still acceptable. Still, once this is formatted correctly, it may be closer to 130. You'll have trouble getting agents and producers to read a comedy this length. So read through and make sure you cut all redundant details, make sure all scenes serve a purpose, etc.

I haven't seen you on the boards, so I'll stop here until you show up. I hope this helps.

Read scripts, pro and amateur, and contribute to the boards. Your skills will improve and you'll get more reads.

Will
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