Darker By The Minute by Brett Bentman - Short, Thriller - Two brothers lock themselves inside of a Texas farm house as they come to terms with the fact that one of them going to die. 22 pages - pdf, format

Brett, I started to read this, and then I got really thrown off by the formatting.  You need to use a standardized font and keep everything in that font.  Here, some things are bolded, some are italicized.  Lose the (Continued) at the bottom of each page and move your FADE IN: over to the left side.  

You have numbering down the left side, which I think was meant for each scene, but that shouldn't be there (plus your numbering is off).  I don't know if you're using a screen writing software, but there's plenty of programs that can help you format things correctly, including some free ones like Trelby or Celtx.

Sometimes you have Flashback as a parenthesis in an scene slug at the end in a Parenthesis (e.g., INT. CHARLOTTE’S BEDROOM -- MORNING (FLASHBACK)), and sometimes you have it leading off the slug (e.g., FLASHBACK -- EXT. THE WOODS -- JUST BEFORE DAWN).

Here's an example of how to address a flashback:

BEGIN FLASHBACK:

INT. MAIN BUILDING - NIGHT

Rachel puts down the phone.  A KNOCKING startles her.  She turns to see Sgt. Hughes peering up at her from the foyer.

END FLASHBACK.

There are other ways to do it as well, but not through your slug.  Honestly I didn't read the story because the formatting got in the way for me.  I would re-do this in proper format and and then re-submit.  At that point I'll take a look at it.

Good luck,
Gary

Maybe it's bad logline day today?

Two brothers lock themselves inside of a Texas farm house as they come to terms with the fact that one of them (is) going to die.

If you can't get it right over the whole one big sentence that is your logline, how're going to keep it up through an entire script?

Hey Brett,

I too started to read this one and had to stop well before fruition, about 3 pages in, because of the complete lack of standardized formatting. However, I did see some promising writing within those few pages. To elaborate:
-In a small amount of pages you presented an interesting voice, which is not particularly easy to do.
-I liked the quick cuts and flashbacks, they kept me interested (until I got thrown off by the formatting) and broke up the action nicely.
-I always love screenplays that start with a quote. Cliché yes, but still cool in my book.
-Finally, the story itself did show some promise. I want to know what is going to happen to the brothers and I also really want to know what happened before they entered the farmhouse particularly the subplot that is presented in the childhood flashbacks.

So, my opinion would be to read some scripts and screenwriting books, in order to get the basics of formatting down; when that happens I’ll gladly give the next draft a read.

-Colin

Brett, so many problems in  your first 1/2 page.

You need to read as many screenplays as you can and get involved with peeps here on SS.  It will really help you.

Good luck!