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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  The Violin Case Killers Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Violin Case Killers  (currently 1174 views)
Posted: February 9th, 2014, 1:39pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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The Violin Case Killers by Sean Fitzpatrick - Action, Adventure - In 1930's Missouri, Clive Mulligan, an ex-con trying to go straight and get home to see his dying mother, becomes the unwilling courier of a mysterious package which sets into motion a desperate cross-country trek through murder, love and vengeance. 115 pages - pdf, format

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Posted: February 9th, 2014, 9:05pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Let The Sky Fall

Various, exotic.
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I only took a look at this because I thought it'd be a tricky one to pull off (going by the log-line) - as this has been done a number of time before, and you'd need a good angle to approach it.

Unfortunately the writing didn't give me the impression that you wield your pen with ease -- it's quickly over-written, the dialogue is clumsy, and you mis-use your action lines.

May work once you get into the story, but from the off it didn't pull me in.
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