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The Violin Case Killers by Sean Fitzpatrick - Action, Adventure - In 1930's Missouri, Clive Mulligan, an ex-con trying to go straight and get home to see his dying mother, becomes the unwilling courier of a mysterious package which sets into motion a desperate cross-country trek through murder, love and vengeance. 115 pages - pdf, format
I only took a look at this because I thought it'd be a tricky one to pull off (going by the log-line) - as this has been done a number of time before, and you'd need a good angle to approach it.
Unfortunately the writing didn't give me the impression that you wield your pen with ease -- it's quickly over-written, the dialogue is clumsy, and you mis-use your action lines.
May work once you get into the story, but from the off it didn't pull me in.
I enjoyed the idea of the connection between the physical violin when it comes up throughout the script, and the music/score of classical violin music during intense/key scenes.
Clive Mulligan, J.L. and Lucille were all strong characters and were entertaining. Marshal Stark kind of came on abruptly and didn't have much background info or development for being the antagonist.
Manny was a solid addition and a well developed supporting character.
Some captivating scenes for sure: - J.L. meeting, courting, and then forcing Lucille to run with him. - J.L. talking to himself but acting like he's talking to Clive when he's about to kill him after flipping the vehicle - Manny's traffic stop
Lucille seemed to have a love interest with three, potentially four of the characters throughout... maybe a bit much there.
Overall, i thought it was an entertaining read. Could use some tightening up, but i was able to stay engaged throughout.
Some small typos/errors noticed throughout (pages 26, 31, 67, 94, 101, 112)
Cant decide if I love or hate the idea of never revealing what lies inside the violin case...