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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Big Dick; Little Dick Moderators: bert
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  Author    Big Dick; Little Dick  (currently 1480 views)
Don
Posted: March 19th, 2014, 6:22pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Big Dick; Little Dick by Anthony Nelson - Series, Comedy, Web Series - Richard is a low level salesman who just wants to be known as anything other than a screw up, which gets harder every day. 14 pages - pdf, format


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Ugo
Posted: March 26th, 2014, 8:26pm Report to Moderator
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okay first thing that got me was this:

PROTAGONIST (V.O.)
My name is Richard, but everyone
calls me Dick...

why does it say protagonist but we know his name is Dick?

INT. SAT-CO SALES AND MARKETING/OFFICE - DAY (CONTINUOUS) ---why that here?
EXT. PROFESSIONAL OFFICE BUILDING - DAY (MORNING)
INT. SAT-CO SALES AND MARKETING/LOBBY - DAY (MOMENTS LATER)

i never seen slug lines with (continuous) or (morning) next to the time. i dont think you need that there.....


THIS BELOW HAD ME ROLLING WITH LAUGHTER:
Dick Shryvel runs through the crowded space naked, hands tied
with the words “I’m a pussy” Painted on his torso.
As he runs past we notice the words “So put your nuts in me.”  painted on his back.
Kids point and laugh.

okay on page 6 you have
EXT. DONNY’S BAR - EVENING (LATER)

INT. DONNY’S BAR - EVENING (CONTINUOUS)

but there is nothing in the description after ext. donny's bar. is that a typo or something? are you trying to establish a shot?

FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha
DICK SAMANSKY
So... Ever try dragging a half
drunk chick across a full bar just
so you can pound her in your
favorite stall? It’s not easy, so
beat it.

"Still mouth raping one another" hahah i like that.

i got kinda confused with the two dick names. had to do a double take on that one but i forget easly with names sometimes other than that the story was funny to me. it was good. like the dialogue

good job

Ugo


check out my scripts here....let me know what you think

https://www.dropbox.com/s/amkdn3svt5rernq/last%20hope.pdf?dl=0

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