Rhys, I read the entire script. As Anthony said, there are numerous issues with your writing, and even story telling, as this has a strange flow and odd ending. Also, your logline is a disservice to your script and needs to be rethought.
There are many other writing issues that Anthony didn't bring up that need attention.
Don't repeat your Slug in the first line of the following passage, as it's repetitive and a waste.
Watch out for easy to fix orphans.
Watch your passive voice throughout and get rid of all the "ing" verbs.
No reason for the "we see" garbage.
Way too many wrylies.
Uneven story and characters, but you know what? I kinda liked this in some ways. It's ballsy, it's quite funny at times, in a very dry way, and if fixed up, cleaned up, and more thought towards what this is really supposed to be, I think it's a Hell of alot better than most of the garbage I read.
It's interesting and it's memorable, and those are 2 fine qualities.
Best of luck with it.