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I suspect the lack of comments is mainly due to the straightforward approach to the story: Man gets bad news -- man shoots himself.
Put yourself in place of the reader -- what’s left for them to take from this story? Unless I’m missing something then not much IMO. There’s a knack to writing a micro short. The best ones deliver a twist, gag, intrigue -- something unexpected that stands out.
Here you have two characters saying exactly what they’re thinking, concluding in one shooting himself as a result of bad news.
Writing’s not bad; a few minors to clean up -- not sure if you're around so I won't go into detail. Overall this feels more like a short writing exercise than a solid idea.
My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:
1) We get a description of Mark that provides an image, Aaron deserves similar. 2) I think you mean she opened her haberdashery 3) Are kids really called Derek these days? 4) There's a few words in the wrong tense or that are odd choices, eat rather than ate, not sure you mean finite details? etc have a read through.
As Steve notes though this doesn't have a sufficient twist or drive to it to be more than a mood piece. Have you thought about perhaps not have Aaron killing himslef and doing something else?
- Haberdashery (as anthony noted) - Your vs. You're - Recovery instead of recover - Three as opposed to '3'
Pretty much real minor things, there were a couple of things that read weird for me. Overall I enjoyed the story, but maybe it would be better suited as a longer piece? I would enjoy seeing these characters fleshed out. Good luck and keep writing!
I agree with the previous posters and see how you are trying to get us emotional about a very emotional subject; divorce and separation. I don't think you had enough pages to get this done. I get the impression that Aaron is a wimp... He should be angry about the news. I don't buy that this type of guy has the balls to blow himself away at this stage of the story.
On the plus side I looked up and learned what a Haberdashery was. Thx for that. ☺
Also, I can't see a 43 yr old man saying "she's enthralled." for whatever that's worth.