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Hi David, a few thoughts, just my opinion of course.
I'm torn on this one, the parent in me thinks that you may have overstepped the mark, the mischevious elf in me applauds the taboo trashing... so let's stay with the elf reviewing it
I like the setup, though could see where it was going fairly early on, though I don't think that's a bad thing.
Elements of this are very visual and it reminds me of Russ Meyer, in particular the Montage scene. But the scene when the Elf is on top... well, there's only one 'position' that would likely be about, and it feels a little too graphic given the relatively suggestive tone of the rest of the script, I'd tone this down to 'lies beside' or similar.
As noted. I saw the ending coming, but it still works okay for me - but it does demand some suspension of disbelief regarding Candy mistaking them. So it may make sense to try and imply that Tony and Santa have some physical similarities, that or Candy is inebriated.
Overall I liked it, in a guilty pleasure kinda way!
Another Christmas tale. Santa sometimes delivers switches and coal. Comments can be good or bad.
The lightheartedness of this story is its selling point. Candy does her job. Santa does his. I'm not sure about Mrs. C or the sexual innuendo. I'm not what those scenes add to the mix. I know you're trying to justify Santa's dalliance, but is it necessary? I mean the guy already cops cookies and milk. Keep it light all the way around? The ending works, and it might work better if you can plant some additional misdirections with the real santa. Make it look as if he is a paid companion. Makes for a more memorable ending?
Dave, Well written and visually sharp. Good job. I couldn't help thinking however, that if this was a spoof on another religious figure, say a Muslim one, you may have to check under your car before starting it or may have difficulty keeping your head attached to your body.
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
DS, thanks for the kind words. Comedy is pretty tricky, especially when you push the envelope as I tend to do. Always good to hear someone's laughing with me.
Athenian, I appreciate your comments. I took out that line many times for the reason you mentioned. Somehow it always makes it back in. Also, again I realize many people might find the montage offensive because of what it represents. However, the montage itself contains no sex or violence.
Reefer, Thanks for busting me on the title page. I must remember to change my MoviePoet pdf copies before submitting them here. Hope you're having a laugh.
Hey Dave- I'm not sure what you plan to do with this script but to me it just seems like a joke from a dunk uncle. A lot of it is cliché like the woman and what she's wearing. The innuendo montage is funny. I think the Mrs. Claus scene is a bit much. There's a couple funny parts but not all together.Finally, for a perv like me I'd probably click on it on a porn site but not if it was.labeled a comedy and had a REALLY good logline. Best wishes anyhow. Hopefully no hard feelings.
This reminds me of some fantasy porn scenes a friend, of a friend, of a friend told me about on the internet; although I never watch such filth of course, as I’m as pure as a pixie’s arse.
The opening action has a basic description of the setting, followed by a detailed description. You could make this leaner by sticking with the basics if you so desired.
Candy seems too hot to have to pay someone for such a fantasy to be fulfilled, I’m sure anyone would be willing to help her out for free but this is a fantasy comedy sketch and not reality so it’s all good.
I did see the end ‘coming’ – cutting the out of character comment may help there as has already been suggested.
Good job, makes me yearn for Christmas….and Candy.
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I laughed at Puddin' Mcsprinkle's part. He has a funny and ironically sweet name, but if this were filmed, the audience wouldn't know it. I think you should find a way to get his whole name known to the viewer. It seemed well written to me, but I would have liked more jokes. Then again, it was only short.