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Wrong People in the Wrong Jobs by Vinni Chiocchi - Short, Comedy - You know that one guy or girl that works with you who, for some unfathomable reason is still employed there. I present my first installment of an extreme example of that person and the potential detriment to society these individuals may cause. At least I hope it's an extreme example. 7 pages - pdf, format
You have a slight formatting error in the slug. After INT. or EXT. there is always a full stop, you might call it a period, rather than a hyphen. The other hyphen is correct.
Now, onto your action:
Code
SQUELCHING, incoherent instructions are being transmitted
over a police vehicle’s radio.
SQUELCHING, incoherent instructions transmit over a police vehicle’s radio.
Code
The police captain is relaying the information from a bomb
specialist to a distracted rookie on the scene of a bomb defusing
situation via a two-way radio.
The above needs to be completely rewritten. Write what we see on screen at the exact moment it is happening.
The police CAPTAIN (97), pulls up his sagging pants and takes a pause before putting the radio to his mouth.
CAPTAIN Have you been drinking again, boy? I can't understand a damned word you're saying.
Captain glances over at THAD (21), who struggles to fasten a bomb suit, and shakes his head forlornly.
The radio crackles into life.
AGENT SNOW (VO) I'm not going to make it, the boy's going to have to pop his cherry.
CAPTAIN (looking at Thad) Dear God.
Something like that. Show us what you see as you see it. Write in the here and now. That's all I have for now.
Your premise is your theme/subject matter, which I do want to see, but, hopefully, is shown through the story. It's great that you are trying to say something. Many don't.
You have to read scripts. Start, here. Read other's script. Your format is distracting, and it's an easy fix.
BLB
Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."