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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  100 Letters Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: July 22nd, 2015, 4:45pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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100 Letters by Stefen Matias - Drama, Horror, Thriller - Four Friends are delivered a box containing 100 letters from their friend who has committed suicide. Through these letter, the four of them learn secrets from the past and uncover the real truth of their friends death, sending them on a journey filled with the unbelievable secret their friend left behind. 58 pages - pdf, format


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eldave1
Posted: July 23rd, 2015, 10:51am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Southern California
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Hi Stefen:

Was interested in the premise - but the first page needs a lot of work - extraordinarily long, haphazard, action blocks. Also, a few instances of cases where you need to show rather than tell. e.g.,


Quoted Text
Sandy is on her way home from work,


Instances where you are in the passive voice - should be active:

e,g,


Quoted Text
SANDY NONNA (22) is busy driving her car down a busy
highway,


should be: Sandy drives...

Take a look at a couple of the short scripts here to get a sense of how this should be laid out - as is - you are not going to get many readers past the first page.




My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Dreamscale
Posted: July 23rd, 2015, 11:05am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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I don't mean to be unkind, but Dave's review does not surprise me one bit, as it's pretty obvious from the logline there will be major issues with the script itself.

The logline is poorly written...very awkard, incorrect tense at times, typos, etc.

At 58 pages, this hardly works as a feature.

And finally, the genres, drama, thriller, and horror is a tough sell, IMO.

Jump in here and read other scripts, get to know peps, ask questions.  You'll be able to get this polished up in no time.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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