SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is August 20th, 2019, 4:33pm
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Changer Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 3 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Changer  (currently 1298 views)
Posted: August 30th, 2015, 9:45am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
The Changer by David M Troop - Short, Comedy - Two bickering police detectives must find a way to capture the world's most elusive criminal. 9 pages - pdf, format

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Site Private Message
Posted: August 30th, 2015, 11:41am Report to Moderator

The Netherlands
Posts Per Day

I really enjoyed this one. Crips writing and great humour. Men In Black on an X-Files case.
The banter between Kennedy and Harris two made me laugh throughout.

Something that bothered me though is that two police detectives (according to your logline) are sent after a confirmed shape-shifter. I'm pretty sure that, like in The X-Files, the FBI or some similar agency would be on this case. But that's easily altered.

Quoted Text
KENNEDY, 40s, Caucasian, cheap suit with clashing tie, rounds
the stairs. Behind him is HARRIS, 30s, African-American,
poster boy for Reebok.

That's great description, in a single line I can immediately picture Harris. So, why not do something similar for Kennedy? I imagined him to be pudgy (that's usually the case when one of them is athletic) but you don't mention this fact until near the end when Harris calls him fat.

Quoted Text
Harris ricochets off the walls as he speeds down four flights,
out the front door and onto--

More great description. I could instantly picture him bouncing off the walls as he runs down the stairs.

Quoted Text
Man, this is some whacked out shit.
Check this out. First the dude was
running, then- bam- he turns into
Abraham Lincoln. The beard, the
hat, everything, man. Then I think,
shit, man, didn't Abraham Lincoln
get shot, or some shit?

What adult American doesn't know that?

Quoted Text
Okay. What is the capitol of Kansas?

I know Kennedy is a bit dumb but I thought it was a bit much. And "capital" is misspelled.

Also, Kennedy staying back in the apartment to get a blow job from the hooker instead of backing up his partner is a major douchebag move. It slightly ruined the good buddy cop chemistry they have going on.

Although the ending is not entirely original (I was reminded of Speed and a few other instances) you wrote and incorporated it well enough, it works.
The last few expletive-laden interactions seem off though, especially how mad Harris suddenly is after first saying "Good work" to Kennedy.

Great job. It wouldn't be cheap to adapt this but I'd love to see it made one day.

Private Message Reply: 1 - 7
Posted: August 30th, 2015, 1:52pm Report to Moderator

You know what a saguaro is?
Posts Per Day
Nice buddy short with all the cliches but came up short.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 7
Posted: August 30th, 2015, 6:15pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Pretty funny. So is Kennedy dumb it just an a -hole? He shoots his partner AFTER he sees the green ooze. Maybe I just missed that part of the humor. I do like the dialogue, well written. I agree with Sandro. Kennedy needs more description regarding his look and dopey personality. Nice overall.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 7
Reef Dreamer
Posted: August 31st, 2015, 4:21am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

where's my simply scripts thong?

The Island of Jersey
Posts Per Day
Hi Dave

An extended version.

As ever I love your writing and the changer is fun.

On reflection, I think you could do more with the changer in the alley, eg a chair to sit on, a perhaps a little less of the 'bad ass' banter, but those would just be tweaks.

Nookie nookie....

My scripts †HERE

The Elevator Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.††Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link...
Private Message Reply: 4 - 7
Posted: August 31st, 2015, 7:29am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

The bleak North East, England
Posts Per Day

I didn't get why Kennedy shot Harris.  Maybe this was a joke I didn't get?

Other than that it was pretty stupid but I'm guessing that's what you were going for.  It was pretty funny but it could do with a bit more I think.  Why was the changer visiting the hooker?  Why were Harris and Kennedy trying to arrest him?

As it stands it does it's job of being a silly way.

Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 7
Posted: August 31st, 2015, 11:19am Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day

Fast and fun few pages -- some amusing dialogue between characters and the appearance of the eskimo was suitably ridiculous.  Not sure the stand-off brought anything new to the table and the bullet proof vest angle Iíve seen one time too many.  Almost feels like the intro to a feature, though without understanding the wider world here itís really got to rely on the comedy to make it work -- to that end it feels like thereís more original material to be explored in the hunt for the Changer.

...If I was hiding from the cops in an alleyway, I think Iíd change into a trash-can...

all the best,


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:
Site Private Message Reply: 6 - 7
Posted: September 21st, 2015, 4:27pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Overall, pretty good. Def seemed like an old buddy cop flick. Some decent dialogue and action. Maybe its me, but I was more interested in the partners relationship than them catching the changer. The Changer seemed to be tacked on in a sense, giving these two characters something to do.

+Decent dialogue
+Written well

-Tacked on and underdeveloped Villain
- Ending has been done multiple times.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 7
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006