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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
Blue Emperor - Episode 1 by Timothy Acosta - Short, Drama, Webseries - Born as a female, a teenager named Kyle Wakefield struggles to discover his own identity in a world that doesn't accept him for who he is. 10 pages - pdf, format
Hi Timothy, I have to say I really don't like the title Blue Emperor, it kinda doesn't fit with the logline. I liked the logline though, that's why I started reading. page 1 - "His hands and left arm is broken." That is a bit clumsy sentence. page 1 - "Detective Silby gives her a few comforting words." Well, I really would like know what words! Those words would also mean a dialogue, which is something that u really need there. A page full of action lines is very difficult to read, perhaps that's why nobody has commented on your script yet. 'The DETECTIVE interviewing her is SILBY, a man who has years of experience.' I would like to know some basic description. Detective SILBY, 45, experienced, soft-spoken... page 1 'A few TEENAGERS murmur to themselves.' Again, a missed opportunity to include some dialog and make your script easier to read.
Sorry to be such a nitpicker, please feel free to do exactly the same with any of my scripts. I'm hoping to be back and read more of your script, Marcela