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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  The Anti-Christ Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Anti-Christ  (currently 2240 views)
Don
Posted: February 24th, 2016, 6:58am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Anti-Christ by Thomas Williams - Sci Fi, Fantasy - When God replaces Christ with a created son of Satan chaos erupts in modern day America. 94 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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cloroxmartini
Posted: February 26th, 2016, 9:59am Report to Moderator
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Read a dozen pages. Story isn't doing anything for me; nothing compelling or interesting going on.
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Ken.
Posted: February 27th, 2016, 3:31am Report to Moderator
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cloroxmartini. Hi, may I suggest you at least flick through. One can't judge a script by reading a dozen pages. IE, Pages 15. JUDITH
Do you think I am beautiful,
Master?
SATAN
Well, for a reincarnation you do
look pleasing to the eye. Mr.
Iscariot.
Judith laughs in surprise at Satan's words.
JUDITH
What-- what do you mean, Master?


Page 64: REPORTER 1
Mr. President, is it true that an
arrest warrant has been issued
against Judith for disrupting
public services at yesterday's
display?
PRESIDENT HALL
No. In fact, I must say I agree
with Judith.
Dan looks confused in the b.g.
REPORTER 2
Does this mean you condone the
service disruption she caused?
PRESIDENT HALL
I condone free speech.
Discordance among the media. It takes a moment for calm to
return.
PRESIDENT HALL (CONT'D)
Raise your hands, which one of you
wasn't there at Judith's show
yesterday?
No one raises their hand.
PRESIDENT HALL (CONT'D)
You were there, I wasn't. So why
make it seem like it's my fault you
treated yourself to Judith and
didn't do your jobs? That's
immature.
REPORTER 3
Are you saying the people who
gathered there are immature?
PRESIDENT HALL
The second people decided to leave
God behind they started worshipping
a movie star. Until we stop letting
some imaginary deity be the
backbone of our constitution, yes,
we will all remain immature.
Dan now looks even more confused.
REPORTER 2
How do you suppose you can dictate
what people believe?
PRESIDENT HALL
Easy. We flush God out of our
system... Today I stand here to----
Have a good look. You may enjoy.

Cheers Ken.
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cloroxmartini
Posted: February 27th, 2016, 4:24pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Ken.
cloroxmartini. Hi, may I suggest you at least flick through. One can't judge a script by reading a dozen pages.


I can and I did. Cheers.

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Forgive
Posted: February 27th, 2016, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Um well I'm back and I thought I'd take a quick look at this, and bad writing aside, how do we get round the concept that the devil is there to save the day against evil, um isn't he defeating his own cause?
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cloroxmartini
Posted: February 28th, 2016, 2:44am Report to Moderator
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But to be fair I will (later today) explain why it doesn't grab me.
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cloroxmartini
Posted: February 28th, 2016, 11:47am Report to Moderator
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There was a recent script here about the same subject. It started out with action, got my attention, but then lost me in short order.

This story starts with Jesus in the garden, saying and doing the (biblical) things, then father changes his mind, and Jesus is like wtf. Then satan's spawn interlopes and takes Jesus' place. So I am saying, well, I'll go with it so far. Hidden in the bushes is a dude Jesus said will be a witness. Okay.

Then, then, then we go to heaven and have a discussion between Satan and God, like they're drinking buddies. That's where it went south for me. Not sure there is anthing that could be done to salvage my thought process...emphasis on "my." I've seen this in many stories, witty banter between God and Satan. It's worn out (for me).

But, I kept going, and we get cliche Catholic priest ogling a boy. Enough already. Then Satan's spawn shows up and puts a number on the priest. Yeah, he deserved it, it was just. Enough already. I'm done.

So for the first dozen or more pages I don't have anything. What I expect to find is mayhem from Satan's spawn. For me that isn't entertainment and it's not new or interesting.
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Ken.
Posted: February 28th, 2016, 6:44pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Forgive
Um well I'm back and I thought I'd take a quick look at this, and bad writing aside, how do we get round the concept that the devil is there to save the day against evil, um isn't he defeating his own cause?


But the Devil doesn't try to save the day. I think you're mistaking "DIEVIL"  with the "DEVIL"
Whats wrong with the writing?  

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Dustin
Posted: February 29th, 2016, 4:04am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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I can't see anything wrong with your writing... certainly not anything major. I am put off by the dialogue, but that could be because it's religious bollocks. I'm not down with that.


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Ken.
Posted: February 29th, 2016, 4:25am Report to Moderator
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Hi, yeah I can live with that.  

The "Similar script" you referred to, this is an updated version.
I was asked to make the antagonist and protagonist, one and the same.  

Religious fantasy sure, Religious bollocks, I wouldn't go as far as that.

Thanks for the feed back.  
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Ken.
Posted: March 2nd, 2016, 6:11am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from cloroxmartini
There was a recent script here about the same subject. It started out with action, got my attention, but then lost me in short order.

This story starts with Jesus in the garden, saying and doing the (biblical) things, then father changes his mind, and Jesus is like wtf. Then satan's spawn interlopes and takes Jesus' place. So I am saying, well, I'll go with it so far. Hidden in the bushes is a dude Jesus said will be a witness. Okay.

Then, then, then we go to heaven and have a discussion between Satan and God, like they're drinking buddies. That's where it went south for me. Not sure there is anthing that could be done to salvage my thought process...emphasis on "my." I've seen this in many stories, witty banter between God and Satan. It's worn out (for me).

Last comment was aimed at you. This version is an updated version to the one you mentioned.

You said there are many live this? Can you tell me one please?

Ken.

But, I kept going, and we get cliche Catholic priest ogling a boy. Enough already. Then Satan's spawn shows up and puts a number on the priest. Yeah, he deserved it, it was just. Enough already. I'm done.

So for the first dozen or more pages I don't have anything. What I expect to find is mayhem from Satan's spawn. For me that isn't entertainment and it's not new or interesting.


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cloroxmartini
Posted: March 2nd, 2016, 10:40am Report to Moderator
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You wrote the one about the 2 army guys opening up the cave with scrolls?

Tell you one that has been on the silver screen? Can't name one where God and Satan go at it and there is probably a reason for that. I have read several here.
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Ken.
Posted: August 1st, 2016, 11:38am Report to Moderator
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Hi Admin, I find myself with more spare time and was wondering, how do i

1. Upload scripts and or revisions here?

2. How do i upload a script to "Selling the shorts"  (I think its called that.)

3. How do i involve myself in discussions with other writers?

Cheers.
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Ken.
Posted: August 1st, 2016, 11:45am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from cloroxmartini
Read a dozen pages. Story isn't doing anything for me; nothing compelling or interesting going on.



Its been revised. I have just asked admin how i upload new and or revised scripts here.

Thanks for your feedback, i do have a major British production company reading this revised version as i type.  Was contacted 3 days after sending my "Logline"  Happy days.  

;D ;D ;D ;D
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Ken.
Posted: August 1st, 2016, 12:07pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Forgive
Um well I'm back and I thought I'd take a quick look at this, and bad writing aside, how do we get round the concept that the devil is there to save the day against evil, um isn't he defeating his own cause?


Not at all, if you read the full script you will find its "Biblical/Mythology" mixed. the "Devil" or "Satan" is the father here, DIEVIL is the created son of "SATAN"   ;D ;D

You have to look beyond the dark humor, assuming your "bad writing" stab was not insulting the "Proofreaders" grammar. Merely insulting my plot or what was you insulting again?

This is not about the devil its about a created son of Satan whose name is "DIEVIL" its how to show the audience that good and love and over come evil and the bad can become good, i have revised it and was requested for the "Hard copy" to be sent after only 3 days of my query letter being emailed.

Sorry this sort of thing isn't to your taste. I do however appreciate all feedback, positive or negative.

Keep an eye out for my TV pilot "Dragon whips his tail"  can't say much about it as it is obviously "unfinished" HENCE no copyright.
Also half way through a script (Not sure if i should do it as a feature or TV pilot) titled "Niggas" also no copyright HENCE can't really talk about it.  
(No insults, its great being nice to fellow writers huh?)

Good luck and keep on writing.
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