Chicago Shooter by Chaseton Ennis - Drama, Mystery, Psychology - When a stoic hit man finds the son of his target murdered and an aging detective receives a cryptic message during an investigation, they both search for the mysterious killer behind it all. 94 pages - pdf, format

Had a chance to look at the first ten. These are just my opinions:

Fairly solid writing (other than the cops) - vivid, easy to see.

You capture Benico quite nicely.

A little too much stuttering in the Senator's dialogue

Not sure on the timelines - the news reports are out and then the lead cop shows up after? Just my gut - but I think chronologically, these things should br reserved.

Quoted Text TRUMAN The daughter is fine. Her room door was locked.

Not sure that a crew that took down seven adults would be stopped by a locked bedroom door.

It falls off the rails a bit for me on page 9 and 10- when Truman, Colt and Wes speak. The dialogue is just so stereotypical - it sounds like a million other cop movies. Give this one a fresh view.  Make these guys stand out from the others.

There is talent here - best of luck

Thanks for taking a look Dave.

I initially described the stuttering through a parenthetical but change it because I really wanted to reinforce the scene to the reader. Guess i'll just stick to the former.

The estate was already secured by the police before the news reports were out. Wes just arrives later.

The "Crew" that was stopped by the locked bedroom door is something that is understood later.

Yeah, I kinda knew the cops initial section of dialogue was run-of-the-mill. Will definitely change their introduction.

I'm glad you thought my writing was fairly solid. That's been my main focus with these next scripts. Practice makes perfect.

Thanks again.

You're more than welcome - best of luck