The Promise Between Brothers by Mitchel Pronga - Drama - Brothers Michael and Tye always promise to be there for each other and help each other through their difficult life of growing up with their abusive and alcoholic father, Rob. Michael and Tye soon discover that some promises are hard to keep with their destructive family. 88 pages - pdf, format

1. Get Final Draft or Celtx or any of the screenwriting software. This was clearly written in Word or Notepad. Okay if it's a first draft.

2. Capitalize the names of characters when we first meet them.

3. The action reads like a bad transcript.  A lot of it can be cut down.

4. When you enter a new location, you need a new slugline. You can't just write in the action that a character is in the living room without the slugline just because they're still in the same house.  Readers will be confused.

5. The dialogue sounds like dialogue.  Very generic and exposition heavy.

6. The Dad is very stereotypical.  I hope this means you're not writing from experience. He's too extreme but still not extreme enough  (hope this makes sense). He's need a method to his madness. Why is he so angry? It can't be because he drinks and works a shitty job. That's a lot of people's lives. He doesn't need flashbacks or a long monologue but he needs some more depth.

7. I got to page 13 and couldn't gone on (gotta work). I don't know where this story is going. Michael is the smart one, so is he planning to go to School out of State and hasn't told Tye yet? Is Tye going to drop out and get involved in the streets? I have no clue and thus no reason to keep reading. The reader has to be gripped within ten to fifteen pages. There's nothing wrong with simple stories but there has to be good conflict.

Hope this helps. Really look into getting screenwriting software.

I stopped at page 37.  

#1. Dialogue is boring and generic with tons of exposition.  

#2. The words I promise have been used like 30 times already in this script.     I promise I’ll protect you from dad.  I promise I’m trying. I promise this I promise that It’s annoying.


#3.  So the dad is just a drunk alcoholic for no reason? Why did he start drinking?  How did he lose his job?  What makes him so angry? It’s not explained.

#4. The mother cooking breakfast in the kitchen you’ve wrote that same scene multiple times.  


Overall it’s not for me.  

Hello there. You are of course welcome to read whatever script you want, but I just wanted to point out that this script was posted here seven years ago and the writer never chimed in, so your comments will probably go unread by the writer.