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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Radio and Stage Plays  ›  A Father's Love
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  Author    A Father's Love  (currently 946 views)
Posted: November 9th, 2016, 10:47pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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A Father's Love by Bernard Mersier - Play - A father's love is a story about Tiffany Dryer. A teenager that's been raped by her father Michael, since she was a child. Her naive mother Vivian, is so wrapped up in Michael, she's unaware he's been raping their child. With her self-respect depleted, and Michael telling her she'll forever be a whore. Tiffany believes she'll never find love. 39 pages - pdf, format

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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  April 20th, 2018, 9:43pm
revised draft
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Posted: November 10th, 2016, 10:39am Report to Moderator

Los Angeles, California
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I made it to page 9 but the dialogue prevented me from continuing.

There's nothing natural about the way it sounds and it's just spewing exposition.

People rarely say exactly what they mean.

"Make sure you don’t give away daddy’s honey. Don’t even
think about telling your mother. As long as I stay
doing to her, what I do to you, she’ll never believe
you. Besides. Why would a father rape his own daughter?"

You might as well write:
"Hi, I'm Michael, and I'm a monster.  And I rape my daughter."

Additionally, why would having sex with the mother prevent the mother from suspecting the father of rape?  Is he that good at sex that the mother completely loses all sense of her surroundings and just blindly believes Michael?


Read my scripts here:
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
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Posted: November 17th, 2016, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while

New Jersey
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a difficult script to digest...maybe, it needs a revision.
Work on it.
Best, Fausto
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Posted: April 24th, 2018, 11:24am Report to Moderator

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First page was hella cringe to me. I couldn't read it all.
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Posted: May 6th, 2018, 2:43am Report to Moderator
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I am not sure if it should be a play or a radio play. Anyway, it's not a script. I find the topic interesting, however, as far as I can judge with my lousy English, unnatural (as far as the dialogues are concerned), and far-fetched (regarding the plot) Did you research before? When I approach a "hot" topic, I thoroughly research before. That's what I did on my screenplay, "A Child of Shame," about children of German Wehrmacht soldiers in occupied France; or in my script "The Priest", which was about homosexuality among Catholic priests.
Talk to those affected, read books about it. Show the fears of mother and daughter, and the perpetrator, why he does that (his motivation)? Then it will be a round work that moves people. And no work that gets stuck in stereotypes.
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