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K, Okay, 2 well written pages of what? Horror? I guess I'm just not a fan. A 7 year old who comes to the playground "ready for action" with a butcher knife, in her backpack. And an 8 year old left twitching in a pool of blood. Just my opinion, but I think you used your talent to take the easy way out.
Personally, I much rather have read a more detailed story about Emily. There's a character waiting to blossom.
I think what this one lacks is escalation. Children this young rarely jump from pushing to knifing in a minute. You might try to find a way to push this one a step at a time. Snatching, pushing, hair pulling, etc. And you probably need a better setup for the payoff. Some mention that she has the answer to the problem in her backpack. Turns out to be a big knife, but the audience won't know that.
Hey Kevin, I read your script...all 1 and 3/4 pages.
Peeps have commented that this is well written, but it's not really, sorry to say.
There are only 5 passages over 1 line and one of them ends in an orphan. Many of these 1 line passages should actually be 2, but for some reason, you chose to start a new passage, and on several of them you omitted the subject, which reads awkwardly.
Numerous examples of incorrect words being used - on/in, or just very awkwardly phrased - "She then bursts out a loud laughter".
Because of the way you chose to write basically all 1 line passages, this is padded, meaning, in reality, you probably have a 1 page script here...which means there's not alot going on.
We get nothing out of the 2 characters, which is why the "shocking ending" doesn't do much.
You have 2 Slugs here, but they're the same thing, other than the time element. When just showing that time has passed, simply use "LATER", but understand that doesn't transfer to film very well without a FADE OUT and then a FADE IN.
For me, this doesn't work at all, other than being shocking for the sake of being shocking. Needs some cleaning up in structure and writing, as well as some sort of character building.
Sorry if this come across as harsh, but I hope you can take what i said and use it to better your writing.
To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
The writing is okay at best. Easy on the eyes but awkward wording and sentence structure at spots (Dreamscale covered this already).
Also, not sure why you start new action/description paragraphs a lot of the time here. It serves more of a purpose outside of looking presentable - you should start new action/description paragraphs when focus of action changes (or change of focus on another object).
As for the story - there's no set-up. It just happens. I understand shock value, but the act of a child doing that to another child is shocking enough. There should be some sort of build-up.
I don't mean to be harsh, but this story would be more effective as a newspaper headline - Child Stabs Another Child Over Comic Book.
I'd try to add more of a build-up. Or add other elements to make this more than just an occurrence.