Naughty Nazis by Richard Rivera - Short, Comedy, Satire - An ambitious network executive manages to piss off his fellow executives and the public when he airs a brand new sitcom -- that takes place in a Jewish concentration camp. 4 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hmmm...

There's something off with your software, the headers and footers seem off... and there's no cover page.

A few typos here and there.

For me this is a script of two halves, and I liked the first half... up to about half way through page 2, but when it hit the concentration camp - well that's when I think it crossed my own personal taste line...

Oddly I do think there's something here about an Exec so desperate that he'll got to extreme lengths but this missed the mark for me.  

Richard,

In all I was expecting more subtlety from this - more biting satire, skewering the corporate TV world with this exec seriously trying to present this concept.  Instead this bounced around from one point to the next - the meeting to the show to the awards to a random newspaper headline where Jesus shows up…

Thing is I could see it happening - it’s not without precedent.  Heil Honey I’m Home was a sitcom over here in the UK in 1990 - only the pilot was ever broadcast.  You have to imagine how the meeting for that transpired.  

It’s a fine line with this kind of satire and the subject and handling here missed the spot for me humour wise.

Steve  

A few mistakes, here and there, e.g. 'filed' instead of 'filled', and 'pleasant, smile, with boyish features', instead of 'pleasant smile, with boyish features'. You also use some very (very) mild 'maid and butler' dialogue, when you talk about the 'off the air pattern'. (Google it, if you don't know what that is). Overall, I think your concept is too offensive, but there were some funny parts. I particularly liked the canned laughter in response to the cheesy jokes. You say no one applauds, but I think it would be funnier, if one person applauded.