SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is September 16th, 2019, 6:19pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The August/September Challenge has begun!

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Getting Out of Dodge
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Getting Out of Dodge  (currently 416 views)
Don
Posted: March 26th, 2017, 2:46pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13258
Posts Per Day
1.95
Getting Out of Dodge by Ben Morales - Short, Drama - After realizing that they don't want to fall into the all-to-common cycle of getting pencil-pushing jobs and leading unfulfilling lives, two recently graduated teens decide to rob a gas station in order to fund a worldwide getaway. 13 pages

production: dialogue-driven script,two teenage leads, two gas station attendants with small roles. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
RichardR
Posted: March 27th, 2017, 3:42pm Report to Moderator
Regular


Posts
922
Posts Per Day
0.52
Some notes.

I think I've read this one before.  It's a common tale, and while the dialogue is good, I think you can make it better.  Give them something more than roam the world, living a 'meaningful' life.  Don't make them too cliche.

You might consider making this shorter.  Some of the opening dialogue can be culled, and the scene where they steal the firearm can probably be cut.  Just give him the weapon already.  Yep, he stole if from his dad.  This is what he's been planning all along.  And you might toss in some real life problems.  No passport, no money, no friends or relatives to meet them.  Adventure is nice, but make it believable.  And they can settle.  If they can't fly overseas, they'll drive to Canada or Mexico or someplace.  

The final shootout works, although most of the time a shotgun is loaded with shot, not slugs.  Same damage but difference ordnance.  

Best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006