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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  Dead Beat Island Moderators: bert
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  Author    Dead Beat Island  (currently 804 views)
Posted: June 7th, 2017, 6:06pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Dead Beat Island. by James Kearney - Comedy, Zombie, Horror - Zombie, Comedy, Horror about a group of friends from 2017 lost at sea on a raft, they drift through some mist at night and when they come out the other side, they find themselves in the 1800s wild west. 89 pages - pdf, format

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Posted: June 12th, 2017, 11:34pm Report to Moderator

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So I just started this.  The logline needs a bit of work, but I thought the premise and title were interesting, and I'm fan of horror comedies.  Kudos on finishing the script.

Something I noticed, though.  I haven't seen this done in other scripts before, but you put descriptions along with the dialogue.  I don't think that's necessary, and you could probably nix adding the word 'accent' with the descriptions.  Instead of saying someone has an Irish or Polish accent, I might just say they're Irish or Polish.

So I might make it look something like...

Quoted Text


A FULL MOON lights up the ocean and itís only occupants adrift on the raft, all mid-30's and wearing speedos and sandals.

CALEB, plump, Irish--

I'm so hungry.

MIKE, tall, skinny, hippy stoner from Texas--

A rescue party should have been looking for us by now.


And I'd avoid using words like 'angle on' and 'we' in the script.  

Although my interest was piqued about something when I started this.  The eight men: who are they, how did they get there, why were they there? Personally, I think it'd be a good starting point to explore a little bit of how they got into the raft.

Good luck in your future writing endeavors.  And again, awesome that you finished the script.

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