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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Alone
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  Author    Alone  (currently 1247 views)
Don
Posted: July 29th, 2017, 8:43am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Alone by Nikki April Lee - Short, Drama - A seasoned firemen's life derails after a rescue mission goes terribly wrong. 34 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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MikeCashman
Posted: January 10th, 2022, 12:51pm Report to Moderator
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I really enjoyed reading this.  The story kept me interested.  The life of a firefighter can be tough.  They put their lives on the line daily for others.  When Jack broke the Fireman's Code, he was thinking of his wife, but now had to accept the deaths of a couple he allowed to die in a fire.  Jack's mind still wasn't with him to react to these types of situations.  Jack breaks the Fireman's Code and is schedule to pay a heavy price for his actions.  In the meantime, he loses friends and others who judge him for his actions and mark him as a murderer.  

The ending is interesting.  I can of had a feeling what was going to happen when he went running into the building to save his new friend, Claire.  I won't ruin it for others, but it was rather sympathetic what Jack does.  Some minor grammar issues, but nothing that can't be fixed if you were to read through the script and polish up some of the sentences.  Otherwise, I could see this being filmed as a short film.  A fireman trying to deal with life after his wife is killed in a fire.  This story showed Jack's character, and I would not have marked him as a murderer, but according to the law, he was guilty of murder.  

I enjoyed the script.  I wanted the best for Jack, but how it ends is how it should have ended.  
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