Reset by Steven Clark - Short, Thriller - Gary thinks he has the quick fix to a failing relationship. Boy, is he wrong. 3 pages

production: Micro budget, 2 actors, 1 location. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Steven,

SPOILERS - Maybe

Quoted Text INT. BEDROOM - HOUSE - AFTERNOON

I generally move from the biggest location to the smallest in my slugs, personal preference would be:

INT. HOUSE - BEDROOM - AFTERNOON (Then again I only stick to DAY and NIGHT as well)

I didn't mind this one. I feel like it could have been a bit longer and fleshed out the characters a bit more.

Not sure how micro budget it would be? The head turning and the back panel seems like it might require some effects.

All the best.

I like this and it does a job of entertaining, so you win... however, I think it could also use more. Maybe play around a little more with the male/female relationship thing. The fact that the female is the robot also makes this quite misogynistic so you could enhance that, or make in-jokes about it.

Anyway, just food for thought. It stands well on its own too. Good luck.

I get the irony - the robot controls the man. Great twist - it's always the other way around and you decided to spin it.
One of the Jameson's finalists was about females selecting a male robot for themselves. You have a robot female - double whammy!
However, I'm not sure if the irony will be lost on screen. I mean make it clearer at the end - she's a controlling mind and she's a robot. I know it's clear at the end, but the punch doesn't work as intended for some reason. Maybe it would work better if it was longer.

Steven,

I like the concept - a sex robot that's turned the tables on its human owner.  Gary sneaking off to get the screwdriver seemed like a good place to ratchet up the tension a notch more perhaps.

I think you could stand to expand this a bit more - it's a great scenario to play around with.  The irony alone...

Steve

STTTEEEEEEEEVAN...

lol sorry I always think of that Laura Clery comedian on Facebook as Helen trying to smash.

ANYWAYS.

This was pretty good. Very quick, fast paced... felt it could've had a little more though. Not sure what though.

Glad to see you got this up - reads good. Nice job

Hey Everyone - thanks for reading, and thanks to Don for posting!

Warren,

Glad this worked for you. Believe me, everything you've mentioned were on my mind as I wrote this. As for micro budget, I think a savvy director can open up an old radio and there's your control panel, and a couple well placed camera cuts can give the illusion of a head turning around. There ya go! Oh, the slugs. I figured it's proper to start in the location that you're currently in. Perhaps I'm wrong.

Dustin,

Glad you liked this. I get what you're saying. It's not meant to be misogynistic, and going forward I don't think I'll play up that angle, but might instead toy with some extras regarding the relationship to give this a little more depth.

Khamanna,

Understood. The reason why it doesn't work, I feel, is because it's too short, and there's a reason for that.

(Note: This was written for a director who wanted a three pager to film for an upcoming festival. he reached out to me, and this is what I came up with. So, the three pages was a necessity. However, I don't think this director will use it, so it'll free me up to add more to this story.)  

Also, this was my original idea for this past OWC. One I clearly should have went with!

Nice job, I flew through the read. The ending was a great twist. The idea of this guy trying to have complete control and it turning horribly the other way... I love that.

Have you seen Ruby Sparks? One of those stories where the main character "creates" a woman and the more he tries to control her, the more she slips away. It vaguely reminded me of that. I do think you could expand this, play around with the relationship a bit more. But I enjoyed it as a three-pager.

Steve, Tyler,

Thanks for the reads and advice. Hopefully I'll get a little time next week to try and expand this a touch. I'll see what happens.

Dave,

Thanks for the initial notes on the dialogue. I took your advice in this version and, so far, no complaints!

James,

Thanks. Glad this worked for you. The consensus is pretty clear on expanding this.

Steve

My pleasure - glad it helped

Good heart- pumping start. Gary has a lot of explaining and thinking to do.

Hey Steven, it was a well written grab. I am sure there are more upsides to this when completed.