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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
5 Seconds by Reagan Trent - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Jonathan and his friends have to stop the man who cut off all oxygen for five seconds. 100 pages - pdf, format
The stakes really don’t feel that high in your logline, most people can hold their breath for at least a couple of minutes. I obviously haven’t read the script, but I would encourage you to come up with a better logline. This doesn’t make me want to read the script.
It begins with a fade sound in a hallway of a house. The fade sound turns into music.
While you are in the hallway the angle turns to an open door which is the bathroom.
You see a shower with a curtain around it. And then the song you realize is jailhouse rock by Elvis Presley.
You get closer and closer to the curtain and then right before you get to it you then change to JONATHAN’S face inside the shower. His face is full of fright and the song gets louder
This is going to need a lot of work.
You need to lose all the you - we.
Don't start with it begins. We know it is the beginning. It's page 1.
Put Hallway in your opening slug. Saves the need to do it later
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5 Seconds
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